i want to run
from here,
leave little bits of me behind
in my path -- a soft chunk
of liver, a penname,
faint ballerina steps,
until i have scattered myself across
the earth like smoke
from a comet. i want to run
through the new england
of picoult, its slow-paced massacres
and romance, right past
general stores and red light districts,
over picket fences,
across an empty, red plane
they call desert
but everyone knows is the dying place
of singles' valentine's days,
keep on running until i come
to where they saw you
last, driving from the mouth
of the road to the river
for a drink, flying solo
round the world,
simply walking your dog
around the bend,
whistling. i want to run
because you still might exist
in some far place,
directing the harsh symphony
of rain while waiting
for a bus, that dog of yours
eating gooseshit in the grass,
your hands doing
something incredible
to another woman's heart.
and i will not pause for breath --
even when i tremble violently enough
to shake the birds from my
thin branches because
i have faith
that you are as beautiful
up close as i remember
and that my legs
will not give way
Author notes
well. that's why i hurt. :C
A contest entry
- truths. by alaska..
2200 points, ended September 29, 16 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
because i am your doormat
Comments
1 - 28 of 28
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the whole thing is great, but that opening was exceptional.
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I never knew what to say this before, but rest assured, I read everything you write and eventually guilt-trip myself into letting you know that I have.
"leave little bits of me behind
in my path -- a soft chunk
of liver, a penname,
faint ballerina steps,"
I think everyone has this - who wants to die without an impact? I want bucketloads of tears for my death ... and I really want to listen to the eulogies from my bestest buddies. Even though I'll be dead and won't be able to. But I want to be commemorated. I'm pretty sure the only thing that doesn't deteriorate in the end are Nalgene bottles ... anybody who remembers me is going to die, too. And then I'll be forgotten eventually.
"slow-paced massacres"
Super cool.
"across an empty, red plane
they call desert
but everyone knows is the dying place
of singles' valentine's days,"
Oh dear CHRIST THAT IS GOOD.
"because you still might exist"
Breathlessly good ...
there should be a limit on how many times I want to use the word 'good', but you're just ... that ... good.
;
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love this.
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this is pretty intense. It reads fluidly. Good job!
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this is so strong. in the beginning i didn't quite know where you were going, so i had to follow, you know like following someone who was running. and then the last three stanzas.....oh wow.
because you still might exist
in some far place,
directing the harsh symphony
of rain while waiting
for a bus, that dog of yours
eating gooseshit in the grass,
your hands doing
something incredible
to another woman's heart.
i just love the imagery in this stanza. such powerful words! harsh, incredible, gooseshit....this stanza wakes you up.
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username in AN?
-that dog of yours
eating gooseshit in the grass,
your hands doing
something incredible
to another woman's heart.-
that is fucking amazing.
this whole thing is.
gol-ly. you're going to make it hard to judge this.
thanks for entering and good luck.
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oh my.
This is fantastic. You did a wonderful job at interpreting the topic. You have an amazing way with words. And good luck in the contest
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thank you
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i have probably read this ten times.
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i have too
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you
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are insane
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holy shit.
*cries.
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i love this sora. every bit except the very last word. it just makes an amazing ending a tad awkward. and that my legs will not give? and that my legs will not falter? give out? idk i'm just rambling. really good stuff here bb.
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omg...this is one of the most moving poems I have read in ages here. You are incredibly talented...i think my heart is aching.
L
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thank you!
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stanzas iii and iv are the best things i have ever read from you.
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also i'm bookmarking this.
also i'm sorry for flooding your life with my compliments. i'm sure it's bothersome.
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It's so sad! I think it's one of your best, though...
'the harsh symphony of rain'. I almost cried. <3
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O.o...I love this.
Thankyou
Casey Jane
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"even when i tremble violently enough
to shake the birds from my
thin branches because
i have faith
that you are as beautiful
up close as i remember
and that my legs
will not give way"
don't hurt so much
that you lose track of what is still keeping you beautiful,
still keeping your soul alive.
♥
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I never know what to say when I comment on your work.
Every time you post, I have a new favorite poem by you, ha.
But really, this is fantastic.
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Promise me you will write forever. do it.
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wow. Awesome title. The opening stanza is very poignant and definitely sets a mood for searching, yearning, lacking. This whole poem has a running feel to me and I love how you reveal your story bit by bit. This is indeed quite painful. Love how you wrote a few lines from the point of view of a tree - brilliantly unexpected. The ending is the rawest, most bitter part, I think, and I relate to it pretty much. Very well done here - definitely bookmarking!
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"because you still might exist
in some far place,
directing the harsh symphony
of rain while waiting
for a bus, that dog of yours
eating gooseshit in the grass,
your hands doing
something incredible
to another woman's heart.
and i will not pause for breath --
even when i tremble violently enough
to shake the birds from my
thin branches because
i have faith
that you are as beautiful
up close as i remember
and that my legs
will not give way"
absoutely magnificent, i loved the rest of this as well but those two were my favorite.
the second stanza, as well.
just increeeeedible.
i love reading you so so much.
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sheesh. thank you so much :]
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