crawling I can't really figure which way to go
the idea of my palm in the sand
my hair blowing about my face
the memories don't even seem real
I find myself mimicking each and every movement
repeating my words like there's a broken record
inside the deep and echoing confidments inside
my mouth
these words
their not mine
these movements
I can't control
I figure it's the way
this world was meant to be
the time has come where it all crashes
nothing I do, nothing I've ever done
makes sense
I can't find a meaning
there's too many gaps
crevices in this realality
...
lost
Author notes
S P A R K L E T H E P I R A T E
A contest entry
- Semi-Quickie/Dark Writes by liquidmindforever.
400 points, ended September 13, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Unique. Unusual Take.
inside the deep and echoing confidments inside
my mouth
Unexpected use of the word confide. I would like to see you omit the second
"inside" and use "of my mouth." I wondered is your meant "confinements" and then decided you created your own word. I think, not certain, you might want
and "e" as confide has an "e" in it.
Dear Poet
Thank you so much for entering my contest semi-quickie prompt:"lost," with
your submission "Lost."
i like to point to possible hiccups as i myself like to correct any in my work.
"crevices in this realality" did you intend "reality?"
you may edit if you'd like to white ink your entry and im with title and contest "Lost."
if you so choose, i'll be pleased to add you to the finalists.
i felt "cold holes" creep upon me where you have "crevices." it may be more of
what you mean, maybe not. just what i felt.
wishing you the best
till then
stay
liquid
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Nice job. I have not seen you post anything in a while. It is nice to see you writing again.
Mike
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Line 6: Broken
Anywho. Very nicely executed. I like.
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thx and damn lol I can't beleive I typed that word wrong
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teehee it happens. Even to the best *hinthint* of us
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