I’m coming close to being so far away
Hurrying to the end of infinite,
I trip amidst the invisible imaginary lines of lies
A concrete illusion
A psychotic real delusion
Caught up in the thought up
Reality but a step away
Drowning in the dispatch of fantasy
Eyes closed, I see all
Floating upon the idea of life
Chains of illogical logic grasp me
Deceiving embrace of security
Torn beneath the shallow grave
Closed casket, my body’s missing
Hold
Me
Just
Once.
Remind
Me
That
I’m
Real.
Show
Me
I
Can
Disappear.
Show
Me
That
I’m
Really
Here.
Author notes
No editting, ramble.
.
Comments
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psychotic real kinda catches, maybe you should have a ' / ', might just be me. have you listened to modwheelmood yet? good music, good lyrics, real poetry, not that this isn't I'm just stoned and hopping around trying to figure out what to say about it.
is this about something you can't have but you want?
The reoccurring theme is obviously contradiction, but then you go into this longing... word, dammit, word ----------- not need, and I don't want to say angst because that word has been killed, like, you wish, hope, pray, this sounds like soemthing I would- nah that's just narrcisism.
um, are you okay?
I mean I really connect with this, I don't know if it's in the way you were intending. You know, I should have read this a long time ago, but to be honest the title threw me off because of the quotes, which is weird because I do that with titles sometimes.
I really really really, like this poem. it's heartfelt, it's a rant, so it has to be heartfelt, that's how they work.
I like how final the end is, and it reads nice, I think of you as shouting it, but not yelling, you know, like desperate for anyone to listen. or a certain person probably.
I don't really get: "Show me I can disappear", and I know you said not to-- you know I get pissy sometimes --but I like it and I like you so I feel I have to comment on it.
anyway I think I have your number on here so I'll just call you.
SeanO
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Hehe, I love stoned rambling... Thank for you the comment Sean lol, it's always enjoyable to hear what you have to say- or write
"Show me I can disappear"; if one can disappear that means they must be there (of existence or otherwise), no? It's like... Nothing cannot exist; "Nothing exists" is a paradox of sorts, but wait... i guess that means within it's contradiction it does exist... nothingness is..? isn't? Well, nevermind that- sleep deprivation might make me go off on a strange tangent o:
"Relevancy" is beyond my grasp right now lol
Let's talk sometime
(My name's Ellie btw ;D)
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interesting and powerful piece.
some awesome metaphors in hte first stanza. loved 'closed casket, my body's missing'... that line is so powerful it might be best as the actual last line. the discussion of illusion i liked as well, though parts of it felt repetitive...
gripes:
I'm not a fan of centered spacing.
i wished the title wasn't in quotes.
the long stringy part at the end was hard to read. 'hold me please' is cliche
less periods
fun to read, thanks! -
whoah!!! That was amazing! The sadness of the first part, then the last part with the vertical words was coolness in excelsius!!!
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