Give up
I heard a thousand times
As the years ticked slowly by
It isn’t worth the broken heart
Or the billion tears you’ve cried.
Give up
The cost is way too high
Oh the things that I was told…
You’re better off, You can do so much,
You’ve gotten way too old.
Give up
But ~ the dream was haunting me
As I watched what others had.
My mind agreed with what they said
But the thought was much to sad.
Give up
I knew that it was best
As I spent even more.
Time and money had no worth.
God I did implore.
Give up
I couldn’t find a way.
“Follow your heart” mine said.
But the agony of doing so
Almost killed me when I bled.
Give up
It echoes still today.
The words I didn’t heed.
Even when the day had long since past
That I thought that I’d succeed.
Give up
There is no battle worth
More than mine once it’s done.
My heart was right
Behold my prize, my priceless little son.
Patricia Gibson~Williams
Author notes
Many years of infertility and I couldn’t give up. Everyone said to give up and accept it. But my heart wouldn’t let me. I cried and ached and wanted to die. I would have given up if I could have. If you look up and think I can give up and find a new dream, then you should do it. Because holding on is not worth it. If you have bled and died and soaked your soul into the pages of life and you know that there is no hope that you can exist without what you desire. That the best parts of you don’t even exist because you don’t have your hearts desire. That they can never be replaced. Then don’t give up. Frankly most things we want aren’t worth that. Even the greatest love can be matched in time. Sometimes the best thing you can do is let go. I met the love of my life, my heart, my soulmate, my world… He wasn’t ready to settle down and love anyone. At first I waited and longed and raged and felt like I would die for the loss. But soon I realized that the best thing to do would be to move away and let go, because being so close was killing me. I still loved him, but the distance made me realize that I was stronger than I thought and that I could live and be happy even without him. It took me 5 or 6 months before I was ready to cut the final cord and start dating and see if I could find someone else to love. Maybe it wouldn’t have taken as long if I hadn’t had him calling me everyday just to talk. I told him on a Friday that he couldn’t call me so much, because it was time for me get on with my life. That night I didn’t answer my phone for the first time in years. The next morning he asked me to move back and move in with him. We got married a year later. We have been thru so much since then that the years seem like a lifetime. Now we have a wonderful 2 year old son, that we both wanted more than anything and a strong bond to show for our struggles. In both cases I got lucky. In both cases I followed my heart. In one it told me not to give up no matter what and in the other it let me to walk (OK ~ crawl might be a better word) away.
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