We both came with wrecked hearts.
His skin is encrusted with diamonds.
His mannicured hair glows in the dark.
Shellfish grow on the joints of his fingers.
They bruised the delicate skin on my thighs.
He reached for me so suddenly.
We both came anxiously.
The night I told him I was in love with you, my head spun like a blender.
I hand-stitched my seams up tightly and
flew through your open door,
and we collided like paint bombs with bright, acidic colour.
I slid inside you like a key.
All my fresh wounds danced on my skin.
My eyes swelled with fireworks.
Shuddered thunder.
I crawled inside your ribcage to hide from death.
"The cold has started the descent..."
Standing in my driveway, our hearts melted together in frostbitten cold.
My other wing.
We've hurt each other, but love isn't rational.
Nothing can touch us.
We've kissed each other's scar tissue.
You are my parallel.
You know me like no one else.
Author notes
I'm sorry if this is terrible. It was important to me to write it. I encourage criticism, it needs some work.
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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This is terribly good. I don't think I've come across your work before - which is surprising as we have a few common threads in the way of favorites....My favorite line by far is:
"We've kissed each other's scar tissue."
Probably because it applies on a very deep level to my current relationship. In any case, I appreciate the simplicity of the font & typography here so that it allows the poem to stand alone, on its own merits. Very nicely done. I will have to read more of your magic soon.
Thank you for sharing.
- BeanSidhe
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This isnt terrible, the imagery was
amazing and i really loved it. A great
write and keep scribbling. Brilliant!
I cant critise
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It's a J! Stupid midnight...
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Haha yep, it's a J
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I KNOW WHAT M AND S STAND FOR!! But G? Haha I don't know...
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The last line was possibly confusing...but maybe not. Who you are now and experiencing things with are more than 50% in any given situation. Because you don't perceive that this is so indicates a misalignment between your situation and your perceptions. Yo.
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oh, just a question,
what does the title stand for? -
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I wanted it to read "message". They're initials of the names of the people each stanza is about, in that order.
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We've kissed each other's scar tissue.
-there is nothing, nothing more beautiful than that.
nothing.
only critism is that maybe the first two lines are in need of a bit more emotion, but other than that,
incredible.
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I'm still not sure about the beginning, what do you think? Any better?
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oh, i like that a lot more :]
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Thanks
I will work on the first couple of lines.
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I'm pretty useless, for this poem, if working on it is what you want to do. You kind of have some sort of "blow Asa's mind" thing going on, constantly. So I think it is, of course, perfect as it stands. And if you edit it it will still be perfect. (thus, why i am useless, now that i've been snared in your web!)
I do have one question, however. or two. okay, three.
1. why was it important that you write it, Magda?
2. do the letters in the title stand for what i think they do?
3. if that is the case, does it go in that order?
(and if I'm waaaaaaay off, as I probably am, that might not make complete sense...)
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1. It was important to me to write it because I wanted to document an event that was deeply emotionally significant to me, and the feeling of absolute wonder it gave me and the way it made me just want to laugh at how ridiculous/beautiful the world can be.
In order to answer 2 and 3, you'll need to tell me what you think the letters stand for
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"Shellfish grow on the joints of his fingers.
They bruised the delicate skin on my thighs."
I really like that.
and it seems... familiar? I'm not sure. I feel like I've read it before. >.< -
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Hmm, I dunno, I haven't seen it anywhere else and I haven't used it in any other poem... It is quite specific to the person I'm writing about.
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perhaps it just seems like such a magda-type description that it made me feel like you'd said it before, since it fits so perfect.
(and you've answered 2 and 3 in another comment; both answers were 'yes')
:]
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