Just a wild scrub lies between me and eyed freedom
Sweet smell of lavender cotton meets the stale air
Barren plains of gray, dust storms and sudden fray
Here I watch as opal sunsets fade each passing day
Tears of hate, tears so gladden, fluxed together so
Drudging furiously, sweat and tears to irrigate thirst
Under a blistering sun I so labour, solarized and raw
Men of such cold emotions, guard with rifles drawn
Watch over as I batter away the rocks of contortion
Heavy clobber to fall, drag me through persistent hell
Beyond the wild plains, beyond the faraway hills
There I often gazed with wonder, what lay yonder
Could it be a city of life, or a small village of green
A place where freedom begins, a place so swell
Such a place if there, these eyes would not see
For I am here, stuck in this hell hole for all time
Cockroaches are my only friends, boredoms kill
Games I play to catch and molest, such to digest
Cold rabbit soup I await with such anticipation
For there my cockroach pals so swim and mingle
Freedom eludes me in this place, yeah it does
Walls too tall keep me locked down at nights
My cell torments where big black spiders crawl
Entrapment has brought me to this hell on earth
So now I rot here, fucking bleed for crimes done
A pinch of freedom, oh how I wish to have just
To smell the wind beyond these greyish walls
And to see the open sea, feel the breeze blow
Oh and to smell the aroma of sweetest pussy
Such womanly flesh to spread and madly fuck
"Life means life'', I recall the old judge lament
And so it was done, now here I am mouldering
Caught between hell and these bloody walls
Trapped and wasting away, fighting myself raw
Here I am lost, less then the man I once was
Tears shed makes a river wild, tears of dread
Patches of gray, such horror spells on my soul
And I bleed inside, die under a burning sun
This life that kills me slow, it is all the life I know
And murder at that, yes murder is my fucking life
Author notes
Prison is hell!
In a list
A contest entry
- Author Unknown # 3 "Untitled" by BluesMan.
3500 points, ended October 12, 23 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - COMMENTS CONTEST V.3.0 by Bean Sidhe.
950 points, ended October 23, 49 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything and everything by bunnyslasher157.
900 points, ended November 11, 99 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - big bang prewrite contest round 1 - 3 by serenity silvermoon.
1800 points, ends December 12, 470 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
Let me know your thoughts on this poem.
Comments
1 - 42 of 42
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shockingly good ive never read something this intence before, i love how it seems hes not sorry, just longing for the out side world for a womans touch and maybe also the chance to kill again, amaising write, would love to see this continued,
thank you for sharing, Terri
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ummm..
Can you put It under Adult please? There are younger people who will be able to see It if you don't. It's a really good poem though.
Good luck and keep writing!
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Hell was never meant to be heaven
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amazing
the detail and thought you put onto your poem is amazing. the hate and the longing of a woman and the boredom. very well written. Thank you for sharing. -
Vivid
Really well written, very vivid imagery conjured up by the author. -
i can feel the longing
i can feel the regret and yearning for the world outside. i have spent the night in jail before and even for eight hours I had the same feelings!
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Ouch***Ouch***Ouch
OMG.
I see it so clearly. He doesn’t say he doesn’t deserve to be there. He doesn’t say he won’t murder again. In fact, 
I think he is saying he WOULD murder again. 
And he is not asking for forgiveness.
He’s just saying how he feels. 
Good work.
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Great poem! Loving the images it shows.
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this is brilliant, seriously well put and i could really feel the emotion behind it. its so raw and i love that.
well done
xx
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Well Done!
WOW!!! What a brilliant piece of work!!
Very raw; full of emotions that vary with each stanzas.
I can almost feel what the narrator felt, hopelessness.I love the title. The imagery is very strong.
Keep writing. Hope you win in the contest.
Best Wishes.
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Really raw poetry. The imagery definitely gets across the "prison" and "isolation" feel. I'm loving it.
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I crave for freedom too, though my hell is different.you explained it very well and I identified with it.
Beautiful
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wow....this is raw. I love it. Your words seem to fit together perfectly in this piece. Thank you for sharing this for everyone to read on allpoetry. A great write. keep it up ^^
-----prankstar -
Descriptively enveloping and with such a raw feel to it. I love it. Bravo!
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This is a stunning piece of painful imagery. I could nearly feel the chill of the concrete block in my bones, and taste the staleness of the air. I appreciate that the rhyme is kept to a minimum and in fact, the thought occurred to me that it may have even been done by chance.
Even the language choices towards the end seem correct although they teeter on the potential of offense. Not for me, personally, because I believe in the use of vulgarity if it suits the piece.
I would have liked to have seen a bit of end line punctuation but that is a minor gripe at best. All in all, very nice job.
Thank you for your entry and best of luck in the contest!
- Bean Sidhe -
wow.. that was incredible... that poem was very well written. good job and good luck in the contest!
Liz
<3
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You have captured very well, the madness of the imprisoned mind and the torment and frustration of being powerless over a life sentance.
I had to laugh after reading these two lines. I thought I had it bad when they served me green baloney! I started a riot by throwing my lunch tray out into the hallway in front of the cell block and all the other prisones followed my leed.
Cold rabbit soup I await with such anticipation
For there my cockroach pals so swim and mingle
And these two lines LMFAO!! When I was released, I got on the bus and smelled perfume for the first time in two years and had to untuck my shirt to hide my woody.
Heheheheheh
Oh and to smell the aroma of sweetest pussy
Such womanly flesh to spread and madly fuck
Thanks for the memories. You have captured the gray void of the prompt with stunning visualizations.
Thank you for entering my contest.
Bill
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you make me smile
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YES!!! so strongly portrayed, i loved it. You gave a real sense of what it would feel like to be in prison. Just all the little details come together, making you wish you could be free while reading. Great job
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wow this is great
Very creative
the flow was great the story amazing
I really enjoyed this
Keep the ink flowing
fire
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Great
Life for murder. This is great, I like the ambiance of the piece, creepy and cool sad. Has a very strong "Gunslinger" series feel to it. -
'yes murder is my fucking life'
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awsome man.
this is good shit.
very good, make something of your self. it shouldnt be hard for you.
the best of luck.
~skittlz -
This is so creatively put together....
"Could it be a city of life, or a small village of green
A place where freedom begins, a place so swell
Such a place if there, these eyes would not see"
It is so wonderful.. I really enjoyed your supreme imagery used as well as wonderful vocabulary... Rare is a skill such as yours. Well done
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i loved it i like how you kept comparing prison to hell and its totally true keep writing youre doing really well
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absolutely fucking amazing.
wow.
such a story you've told here.
thank you so much for sharing, and best of luck in the contest
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That has amazing imagery. It seems kind of wordy and a little dark, but nevertheless, it has amazing imagery. But sure, it's dark and wordy. If you like that, go with it, cause then it's what you're truly feeling.
-->pia♫♪
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This was very moving. Nice work.
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Wow. I like how this has so much meaning and feeling in it, it really got to me. Nice.
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Great poetry. Enjoyed it.
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bravo, i loved it, started off a bit slow, but towards the end it picked up
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great job
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Fascinating. You use interesting words in your poetry.
Write on.
~*~SP~*~
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That was quite a description.....very vivid and there's a way it really just locked my mind in it.
This was a beautiful write...a sad one too. -
This peom took me to war, and fast i wish it could have brought me back home in the end but the seep end of it was the end, thanks for shaing
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Excellent
'tis a very fine write, in which you have expressed your thoughts quite well. I liked your imagery, as well. I wouldn't change a word of it, if I were you. Thank you for sharing. -
You place in that 8x10 and I really don't want to be there!
This is a very effective and powerful poem. It's wrapped in heavy chains.
Makes anyone reading, appreciate their freedom
great writing!
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a good poem penned with a fine pen, ah prison, well at least there are cockroaches for company, and you don't have to dip them in your soup, they go there freely.
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excellence...complete excellence....the imagery here made this piiece catch in my throat.....I love it...my heart is all thudding now,,,,this is so so very good even by your standards....you have such raw grit talent...it amazes me
hugs from old yorkshire
T
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this is very good write, very strong imagery.
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a very very powerful write I can feel the emotion and pain in this write so very well expressed and portrayed!!!
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what you have here is really good. can't wait for the revision.
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