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sepulcher’s silence

Missing image



 

 

Tombs where the living have breathed in sleep's sorrow
comforting arms go unnoticed in aching,
burnings of gold’s hush embed in tomorrow
drawing out darkness from mere mortal waking.
Rise, oh ye mist, so the spirit may borrow
tears for the journey when death rides its taking.
Open the skylight to chorus amassing,
brushing soft whispers upon loved one’s passing.

Author notes

prompt: "Absolved" by Estrella Felina

~for my friend and her grandmother's death.

In a list

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 29 of 29

  • Pandorasjar gold member
    September 18

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    Absolutely beautiful. Smooth, flows, and a pleasure to read.


  • Pamela A Lamppa silver member
    September 16

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    Oh - I smile so because I do love Ottava Rima and this is done perfectly to the form with wonderful 'ing' rhyme. I believe you have handled this prompt well and used brevity in all aspects quite poetically. Nicely done. A pleasure to read and enjoy. Best of luck in the judging. ~Pamela


  • Blue Rew silver member
    September 10

    Edit | Reply
    Tremendous in both the visuals it offers and the tone conveyed...
    I felt each line could stand on its own. Was most affected by the
    way elements (mist, sky, light) were called upon when spirit and
    physical form divided. Blue


  • heaven all alone
    September 9

    Edit | Reply
    OTTAVA RIMA!! Haha it took me a while to figure out what form this was and then I realized you must've seen it for my X factor piece! I thought this was really good!

    Who knew someone as original as you could pack so much awesomeness into a form poem?

    much love!

    • sweet arrival gold member
      September 13
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      it is.. lol. after i wrote one in yours and angela's comments, that form was sticking in my head. glad you appreciated it


  • AutumnGypsy gold member
    September 9

    Edit | Reply
    This is so hauntingly beautiful sweetheart, you always amaze me with the wording you choose. I don't agree with the person below me, if you look deeper than words on a page, you know the truth lies in the heart. Brilliantly done. Best to you in the contest


  • Dark Geometry
    September 9

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    I love you, but I didn't like it. It's just too etheric I guess. Where's the substance Grace? What the fuck does it really mean? I am certainly not trying to be mean or disrespectful. You are one of the only poets I actually respect and in truth I hate poetry, but can you explain this to me? I'm sorry. But I know you are better than this.

    • sweet arrival gold member
      September 13
      Edit | Reply
      it is about death, and life... the solace doesn't come from arms extended, the tears are needed to make it through and heal. the passing of a loved one just isn't easy. there is more to it than that, but it's all i can muster right now.
      you dont sugar coat anything and thats one thing i appreciate about you.


  • DolceVito gold member
    September 8

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    *shivers*Awesome piece, excellent take on the prompt; dark and creepy but bautifully done


  • Garmond gold member
    September 8

    Edit | Reply
    Your choice selection and use of language is excellent in this. It gives the reading such a delightful feel of elegant texture and reads more like a time soaked classic than your more contemporary postings. You really do continue to challenge yourself don't you? You also continue to triumph and impress.


  • Keyser Soze
    September 8

    Edit | Reply
    A brilliant new tone. Genius emanates true.
    I shed a tear of joy for the poet you once were, for
    you have certainly become something more.

    Bravo my love.

  • J Macabre gold member
    September 8

    Edit | Reply
    Hm this has such a dark feel to it. I love your word usage and it seems to have an age old tongue to it as well. This was excellent. I'm deeply sorry for your friends loss.


  • glenn shannon silver member
    September 8

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    sad bout your adopted familys loss prayer to you and them and one for the dear ssoul , I havent seen a poem like this before in your pages i can tell you were writing from your heart and its way beautiful , clever pet . very nice

  • Susan E. Pennycuff
    September 8

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    Just when it appears you might be back in the swing of things, you pop out your versatility yet again and I love it, I just love how you have that ability to keep the reader guessing about your style. It remains your style but with that tinge of added twist that is just a tad unlike you, but yet commands that the reader understand exactly what it is that you are trying to convey... that my friend is what your true signature style is all about... commanding the reader to take notice of the true meaning of the poem.

    I just love this one, you are truely such a gifted writer. There is no doubt in my mind that one day if this site survives two hundred years from now, your name will be among the those listed as one of the great old poets!

    • sweet arrival gold member
      September 8
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      thank you, suzi... i appreciate your support. i expected people who normally read me, to pass this one over because i tried something different. im glad you didn't. i like to challenge myself when i have the time.

      • Susan E. Pennycuff
        September 8
        Edit | Reply
        I like that you found the time, I'm sorry that it had to be under these circumstances, but I love it when you challenge yourself dear. Huge hugs hun!
        (you know if I could give them in person, I certainly would)


  • Mariana gold member
    September 8

    Edit | Reply
    'Tombs where the living have breathed in sleep's sorrow
    comforting arms go unnoticed in aching,'

    Those two lines are my favourite. I have often felt that my Mother and sister are close by in spirit but I can never really know, I can only feel. It's heartbreaking to think I will never feel their arms around me again, in a physical way.

    Mariana  

    I wish your friend and her family all the best at this difficult time.

    • sweet arrival gold member
      September 8

      Edit | Reply
      thank you so much. her family is like family to me. they are beautiful people and they know grandma's spirit will be there with them also, but the ache of losing the physical is always difficult. thank you again

      • Mariana gold member
        September 8
        Edit | Reply
        I wasn't sure if you knew her family well, I thought that might be so but I didn't want to make assumptions based only on my feelings. Perception is one thing, actuality is another. In lieu of this, I am sorry for your loss.


  • John BoSox
    September 8

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    This is a different tone for you, yet I enjoyed it..I needed to read this a few times to latch on to your thoughts and meaninds.You continue to make me think...to uncover your mysteries of yout intent..The opening line is fabulous, to be sure.I believe you did a super effort on this.I enjoyed reading it

    John


  • In Too Deep1
    September 8

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    I have to agree with SteveS and Emmyb, this is a wonderful piece, and an unusual sort of way coming from you. None the less, this is brilliance. Your pen is amazing. A most enjoyable read, and best wishes in the comp

    • sweet arrival gold member
      September 8
      Edit | Reply
      thank you. i had a difficult time with this and am still not sure why i chose a form like this, other than it was brought to my attention lately and i challenged myself. writing in form isn't as easy as it seems when reading poets who do it so well. it has to be thought out and kept structured. maybe im a free spirit type


  • SteveS gold member
    September 8

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    Lovely! A very poetic run with that prompt. That first line is a killer.


  • Emmyb gold member
    September 8

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    YES!!!!!!!! I AM THE FIRST TO COMMENT!!

    thats cos... I am wicked-cool


    Also

    because I am the biggest fan


    And


    because I like to win


    Now. Onto the poem. What a change!! this feels different to your others. Youve still got your flowing beautiful word choices but theres a hint of you i have not seen yet in this also... I mean - ive never seen you write "oh ye mist" before. . . that was cool!

    • sweet arrival gold member
      September 8
      Edit | Reply
      don't fool yourself... you always are a winner in my eyes.

      i don't expect to get many comments on this. i saw the picture and it just hit me in a personal way right now, and i thought i'd try the form ottava rima that was brought to my attention lately. form isn't so easy... to get my thoughts out when restricted to meter or rhyme and word count is difficult. but i am not one to back down from a challenge.

      and i have no idea where the ye came from... lol... maybe reading some old poetry books from my friend's grandma's bookshelf? different for me, yep, but hey... i like to keep you guessing

      thanks as always, em... you're so great.

1 - 29 of 29