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Storm

 

 

 

Scarlet Rain upon knife's edge.
Inwards the storm crashes.
looks out from barren ledge,
Framed with crystal Lashes.

 

 

 

 

 

Author notes

meh its how i feel

tell me what you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 9 of 9

  • BiTeMe
    September 25

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    no matter how short it is hun its carves a picture in my mind and shows how you are really feeling
    amazing poem carre ^_^ hug hug hug

    love cli <3


  • sinfull
    September 12

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    Glad i took the time

    This is lovely. The second line ...intentional? ..seems to imply this is a mood...not an actual weather event. And given the comment in you notes....
    Splendid line if so. Very well done


  • schoolsable
    September 12

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    woah.. great imagery and i loved the shortnes of it. very powerful.. it seems as if im actually in the poem... expiriencing it! BRAVO

    ~Sam

  • Juno101
    September 12
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    um....woah. Great imagery and creativity. quite violent in a subtle way.

  • trekker02
    September 12

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    I really like it, especially your last line. Crystal Lashes is a powerful image. The only two things I'd change are 1) "Knifes" should be "knife's", unless that was an intentional deviation, in which case I just don't get it. 2) you seem to have a very specific rhythm in your poem, but as short as it is, it feels like it deviates on line three. Reading both "Scarlet Rain upon knifes edge" and "looks out from barren ledge" I find myself accidentally including "the" right before "barren ledge" just because it flows better to me.

    Otherwise, kudos. Very profound imagery.


  • bluebird.
    September 12
    Edit | Reply
    Aww, that's sad. Might I suggest changing the background, though, at least on the middle section? It's a little hard to read.

    Also, "Rain" and "Lashes" don't need to be capitalised.

  • Poco Loco
    September 9

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    awww really powerful and emotional. Imagery really enhances the feeling behinmd the poem. Hope everything is ok love *huggles tight*
    Love u xxx

  • The-Whyman
    September 8

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    Intriguing

    A rain of blood? A bloody knife? An internal struggle? A look out of oneself? And glittering around ones eyes? Thats all my old English lesson thoughts can think of, and overall it sounds psychologically worrying, but very you.


  • Melee Vau gold member
    September 8

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    painfully perfect

    such a short but emotional piece. hope the pain and solitude ends soon. I was on that ledge last week so I really relate to this poem.

1 - 9 of 9