I am here at the infancy
of sleep, and you,
your changeling stretch of body,
tell me I'm as far removed from you
as legends, the seasonal remorse
of winter and somehow
still sharp as shingles.
I can be only as intimate
as palms, I say, that have reached
for mythology, naturally deceased.
Author notes
It's 4:30am, and I have a headache and can't sleep.
This ending was added on to the existing poem when I first wrote it. But I didn't like it.
"Palliative and with a
heavy-handed reprieve,
you agree."
What did you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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Enjoyed this write; it has an authentic feel to it.
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This is fantastically smooth as approving palms reaching out to...
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I never know what to say when I read your poetry. I am too jealous for speech. There isn't one word of this that I wouldn't put my name to.
Fan-freaking-tastic.
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Not sure I deserve such high praise, but I'll sure as shit take it! lol
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The title. I love you and your titles. They are usually the best part of your poem. I guess because they could be their own little haiku half the time. lol
'sharp as shingles' That just sounds lovely to the ear. And I loved the second stanza. I agree that your ending wasn't that strong but you end it with the second stanza and negate that problem entirely.
I didn't care for the third line in the first stanza though. It just sounded awkward to me when I read it outloud.
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Pretty damned good for being headache and insomnia-induced, I say. Sheesh, Woman. You inspire and amaze constantly. 
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I agree with your AN...first three lines are very strong and I am sure you will revise and enhance the ending with your brilliant mind
your pieces always have a light feel to them..hopeful I suppose is the word perhaps but for whatever reason, they always make me feel good.
and 
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This has the quality of a dream, words symbolic, actions seem only defined in our thoughts... draws the reader into this mood too...very nicely done...PK
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I agree with Kathleen about the ending. It fits the poem. Endings do not always have to slap you in the face. This was something I can totally relate too as an insomniac with a husband that sleeps.
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I hope you finally got some sleep, the first stanza is a killer. I like the ending, it may not pack a hard punch, but it fits with the mood of the poem, and still lands home.
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good stuff
"infancy of sleep" - "as far removed ... as legends" - "... remorse of winter ... " -
There's lots packed into that first stanza.
shingles as in the pox-related disease?
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lol Shingles as in roof tiles.
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