BEEP
"Ambulance Emergency..."
(This is Thanet connecting ...)
"Thank you. Hello caller, where would you like the ambulance to come to?"
(Screams and panting)
:: Oh! Oh! Oh! Err, it's 12 --------- St, C---------! OH!
"Ok my love. Try and calm down for me. What's going on there?"
:: I'm having a baby, that's what's going on! Ah!
"Right, is anyone there with you?"
:: No, I'm on my own. (Sobs) My husband only popped out to the shops! I don't think I can do this on my own!
"It's alright my love, I'm going to help you. Now, where are you at the moment?"
:: I'm on all fours on the floor in my bedroom. Oh, oh OOOHHHH!!!
"Ok, can you get on your back for me?"
:: No I bloody well can't! Who do you think I am? Wonderwoman?!?!
(Trying not to laugh) "No of course not my love. Ok, how far apart are the contractions?"
:: They're right on top of each other. Oooooh!! Where is he? God, he's been gone ten minutes!!
(Looking at the advice book, the question is 'Can you see the babies head?' Realising I can't really ask the woman this question, I improvise...)
"Can you /feel/ the babies head?"
(More panting)
:: I CAN'T REACH!!!! Oh god, here it comes!
(Lots of panting and screaming. I wait.)
:: It's here! It's born!
(Shouting in the background)
-- Oh my god! What the hell's happened?!
(A male comes onto the line)
-- Hello? Who's there?
"Hello, it's the ambulance service. Your wife's just had the baby. Congratulations!"
(Stuttering) -- But, but, look at the state of the carpet!!
Author notes
My favourite childbirth story. I laughed hysterically for days after this one! And by the way, it was a little girl.
Written April 4th, 2004
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Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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lol
yeah
icky
babies =\
and poor carpet too!
tsk tsk.
funny tho =) -
lolol poor woman to have a husband like That! love these entries
xxx
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lol ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. guess the man was in shock (;
xXx -
Kind of made me laugh and wince at the same time – I guess if this is a daily type of thing you need to laugh at it… Thanet – I used to live near by and Antmonkey is only just down the road… small world.
Edited on Apr 04, 6:16 because ''. -
ooops i mean funny
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thas really fubby
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