shut my eyes, try to hide.
finding falling, to that place inside.
sourcing, seeking the blackness to numb
the things he's doing, the things he done
way down deep, i need to run
Oh!No! another fist, here it comes
Smack against my cheek,
red hot blood pouring towards my feet
Deep down i love this man
Deeper down that ever before, I know he loves me so
Grabbing the red hot pan
I sink lower and lower to the ground
I ask myself, now what have I done?
Why didn't I move, why didn't I run?
It's okay though, when he's done,
He'll say sorry and we'll have fun.
He'll go back to the man i fell in love with
the man who wanted me to live.
That man though i lied
I say goodbye to my nightmare.
This was the day I died.
A contest entry
- Throw Down Your Best by Demington.
1350 points, ended September 17, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think?
Comments
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I am conflicted concerning the narrative flow of this poem, as it flounders a bit at the ending, but perhaps does so appropriately concerning the fate left to the protagonist.
You might try playing with the idea of leaving Her alive, toying with the ending in an effort to fully explore you current choice both aesthetically and structurally.
This poem has a good deal of potential and has a definite message to impart. I hope you keep working on this one!
IC C -
Some nice rhyming happening here ^^
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