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Lissy

like a fluttering feather
gallant and free
symbolic embodiment
portrayed by weather

there she sits
withered and torn
my little Lissy
betrothed, whore born







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Comments

1 - 18 of 18

  • cre8tiv-writer
    September 9
    Edit | Reply
    I love how this depicts the beauty that can be extracted from a seemingly hopeless situation....brief, yet intense. Great job.


  • rollingzen
    September 9
    Edit | Reply
    interesting


  • princessleejwctlvr2
    September 9
    Edit | Reply
    Aww your words are so truly truly lovely and truly beautiful!!! I love the way you wrote this and portrayed it!!!


  • no Epiphany here...
    September 9

    Edit | Reply
    the last lines of both sections are a little awkward... but other than that, i LOVE the use of the word whore in this. beautiful concept.


  • cricketjeff gold member
    September 9
    Edit | Reply
    Interesting short verse with nicely worked rhyme and a punchy flow.


  • arthyria
    September 8

    Edit | Reply
    I love the second stanza, the lines: symbolic embodiment/portrayed by weather; was rather heavy and stumbling in a once-read through (perhaps intentional) but the rest as "a fluttering feather" is light and flows nicely


  • Crazy-Love
    September 7

    Edit | Reply
    Intersting, I had to read it a couple more times to get the feel, and I really liked this. When beginning to read it with the first lines you get beautiful imagery, and then you tie that together with the last lines, making a complete picture.
    Nice Write!

    Crazy-Love♥


  • still.she.waits
    September 7
    Edit | Reply
    sits on your poem and stares.


  • TheCSIgurl
    September 7

    Edit | Reply
    Lovely!

    The only things grammar-wise to mention are that "sit" should be "sits" (to be the correct tense), and you could really use some punctuation in this poem.


  • Uniquely-Scarred
    September 7
    Edit | Reply
    a deep write, so much said, with so few words, i love it


  • Kari gold member
    September 7
    Edit | Reply
    This was really deep.


  • Goofypryo
    September 6
    Edit | Reply

    Awesome

    This was an awesome wirte an I loved the contrast between the sweet with the twist at the end. Just awesome.


  • Flyergirl
    September 6
    Edit | Reply
    starts out one way, and ends another. a very interesting poem to be sure.


  • SpydurPoet gold member
    September 6

    Edit | Reply
    This was stunning. It was like biting into a bitter apple, though, with that last line. You did an amazing job with the imagery. Wow.
    Write on.
    ~*~SP~*~


  • char-char
    September 6
    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful write!


  • pumpykin
    September 6
    Edit | Reply
    This kind of has a sad, melancholy feel to it. Beautifully written

  • reveller silver member
    September 6

    Edit | Reply

    Very good but.....

    not sure why. I read it and thought I knew what it was about and read it again and wasnt so sure.......I really like it because it is Kryptic (to me) and really made me think about what I was reading. Clever I thought !!


  • white stone
    September 6
    Edit | Reply
    This is actually really really good, dude.

1 - 18 of 18