Were gonna hold that line,
you and me.
Were gonna hold it,
so we can draw it,
and jump it,
separate it,
lay it down,
and snort it deep,
when we ride it home,
where no son of a bitch,
will cross it again.
Were gonna take that ride,
you and me.
With the psychedelic sun
beneath our tongues,
we'll drive to the desert
in gold chrome convertibles,
with kings and queens
of roaming nomads,
blessed by mirages,
of elder councils,
riding camels,
and following caravans,
through the singing sands.
Were gonna fly away,
you and me.
As you wait in your room
and stand by your vanity,
your hair shines in the sun,
that pours through your window,
where you see me standing,
waiting for you
to walk out the door,
and take my hand,
along the path,
to the gated fence,
that held in,
what was,
for much to long.
Then you and me,
are gone.
In a list
A contest entry
- 1000 points, 1000 pws by Shadow Anonymised.
1000 points, ended November 23, 1091 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
Comments
1 - 43 of 43
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wow
this poem is very interesting i enjoy all the creativity tat flows through it kept me interested the whole time great job keep writing
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A lot of restlessness and deep desire to go somewhere, anywhere as long as its somewhere. i like it and will read it again just to make sure it has sunk in. J.
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Had to read this wonderful piece again dear friend...cannot figure out why, but it holds me enrapt through it's entirety....great flow...~gypsy~
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Excellent!
I liked this very much. It cheered me up and the theme was very much about Freedom, which I have always been such a big fan of. Well done.
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fantastic!
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WHAT HEAVEN BROUGHT YOU AND ME:
CANNOT BE FORGOTTEN.
even the shameless pitch makes me smile.
red rimmed eyes
and southern comfort.
oh the fun we could have.
I'm tellin' ya sweetheart.
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What A Trip!
Wish that I could join them on this awesome journey.
You really took me along with them in this piece. I had to read it twice
just so I could savor all of it. I've loved your writing since the first day I read it. You've done nothing with this piece except re-enforce to me why I do.
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Fantastic. I love it. Really, it speaks to me of memories of my not so distant youthful ways. It had great flow and superb imagery. Another winner Liam! ~mandie~
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this is a fab write liam, i love the whole peice, it flows great and keeps you hooked, the imagery it conjures within my minds eye is supurb ,i love it. and the ending is great. x
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Perfection once again!!!
With the psychedelic sun
beneath our tongues"
Eeeeeee! What a fabulous write my friend!!
Oh the imagery was superb!!!
It was really hard to pick the best part...because all of it filled me with
such a sense of breeze in my face, speeding along, with car top down...
freedom....I am delighted to read such an exciting piece!!!
~Atusha~
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For some reason I love the way in which this poem flows, it just seems to demand the readers attention. Some of the lines in this are fantastic;
"With the psychedelic sun
beneath our tongues."
Brilliant. Great write.
=]
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I love this poem..... so much more than I could tell you without my eyes....
Thank you for sharing your gift, love....
xxxooo
Kelly -
Oh I love it! Especially how you bring it all together at the end there:
"Then you and me,
are gone."
This is just a great poem in general, thank-you for sharing.
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Rev the engines I've been ready to go for 100 years. This is a leave your shoes at the door and cell phone on the counter kinda poem...This is a song you play while on a road trip and the wind in your face kinda poem. I remember freedom, it sounds like this. wonderful pen =)
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This read like Hollywood glamour. It's riskay but beautiful at the same time. The set up was immaculate, the images grand, and the companionship of it as a whole heartwarming. Great job!
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ummm-
like I said, my tongue has been tied,
and this write,
my dear friend has not loosened the knot...
you've seemed to have made it tighter,
Great write!
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AMAZING!
I rally felt the love and passion and sense of freedom i beleive you wanted this poem to expel. I can feel the sun and see everything! GREAT DESCRIPTIVENESS AND IMAGERY!!! THANK YOU FOR A GREAT POEM!
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er....
I don't even know what to add to this seemingly neverending list of comments this poem has attracted. And to be quite honest, even if I could add anything I wouldn't be able to find the words to describe just how much I liked this piece of absolutely super poem.
I love poems written like this, with as much imagination as this and just everything else just like this. I believe this is my new favourite poem.
Very well done on a very very awesome poem!
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Beautiful piece (as always from you) with great imagery.
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Ok, so...
I love this...I really do, and to me, it's about two people who are hallucinating together and stay in a place for a while, in this example, her room. I could be VERY VERY off, but that's what I get, and the imagery in the stanzas is very cool...It adds to the whole "far off" theme you got going.
It was also a lot to keep up with the metaphors all around, but I was able to, and loved it all the more for it.
Really impressed, I loved it.
BLESSINGS,
BRANDON
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The beginning of the ultimate road trip is at hand, come along if you dare....To be able to follow the line of your own choosing is a blessing, even if there was no choice when the line was drawn.
The second stanza flows into the territory of the majestic Planet Caravan, tapping into that rich vein of Caledonia Soul that brother Morrison took us along in. Wonderful stuff.
In the third stanza I can see the sunset shining through the window as they prepare to depart into a future of their own creation.
Peace
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Wow amazing
Great job keep it up -
wow very powerful and so very beautiful i love the way u worded this piece its so very gentle sweet and romantic i love u big brother
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Most often the beat streak with tight right slash of drug comatose notes cashed out and all the freaks extreme -- leaves me cold, but, not this time.
I got it and it rifted clean.
Peace,
Tom B.
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i really like the imagery in this poem. one of the best that i have read so far. keep up the good work!
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guess I shoulda just said great poem, keep up the good work.
peace.
jin -
great poem, i really enjoyed reading it, keep writing
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Oh My God.... I love this so much... I feel so trapped being back home again and with out a car and trying to get a job... and here you go, writing about something i am longing for so much! I want to break free! I need freedom! I need every feeling that is being presented here!! Gah! Your to good at evoking emotion!!
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Oh yeah...! straight from the hip my silver tongued angel brother...straight n' true with just a faintly disappearing sunset fringed in blue
Masterfully crafted Liam
have to book mark this one!
J
hn
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I like this poem a lot, but it is going to take some reflexion for me to pinpoint why it effects me as it does.
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Such a lively write..of adventure, love and inspiration. A whirl of imagery, and a zest for life....
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Fantastic use of imagery on this piece. You do a wonderful job of taking your reader for a ride. I noticed a few spelling errors, but aside from that, bravo! Keep up the great work!
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I loved the brilliant life in this. That is what I got out of it...life. You have done a stunning job with the emotion and imagery in this. Thanks for sharing.
Write on.
~*~SP~*~
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"where you see me standing,
waiting for you
to walk out the door,
and take my hand,"
Exactly right, hon. =]
This was absolutely gorgeous and made me smile the whole way through. You've done it yet again, Liam, and I hope you never stop.
-Kelly
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dUDE... i'M LITERALLY GAPE MOUTHED... HO;D (my bad caps stick) gape mouthed at my screen. Hold on... reading again... there's so much imagery and hope and emotion and beauty that I don't have a clue where to start. It gave me a feeling akin to what I felt reading Dr. Seuss books by myself as a five year old... but complete with new evolutions. Does that make sense? Singing.... sands.... psychedelic.... sun....
I could mantra that out for a timeless moment. The sun did not beam or shine... it poured... on her hair... not a more gorgeous sight than that on heaven or earth. Christ you've got me on a cloud with this one.
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Ah,Seems like someone just wants to fly away, just you and me, eh?
What a journey this was..
Made me feel as if I was takeing the journey along with you.
Not to mention it made it made me feel like you have
Lost someone and you got/want that someone back
So you can stand the test of everything just to be with that someone
Just to tell that someone that you love them still.
I don't know maybe i'm wrong.
That's just the feeling I got from this.
It still made me feel like I was on cloud nine though.
I loved it.
You always amaze me with your words and your writes.
Amazing !
-Mandi
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Great write, the flow carries your thoughts and the mind that is reading them. you painted a picture on a blank canvas
like an artist
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I love it! Wonderful write...thanks! Somehow your words always seem to encourage me, means so much...
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Wow - this is such a cracker! The way the rhythm seemed to take it slow and steady, then speed up, it took my heart with it! You took us all on an adventure here, yet our hearts were tingling with anticipation for that special someone who was the object of your piece. Sparkling imagery here, '
''As you wait in your room
and stand by your vanity,
your hair shines in the sun,
that pours through your window,''
and
''
With the psychedelic sun
beneath our tongues,
we'll drive to the desert
in gold chrome convertibles,
with kings and queens
of roaming nomads,'' exquisite.
A lot of references to drifting, caravans etc, it captures the essence of a gypsy lifestyle. A pure work of art. I cannot say much else because well... anything else I say won't do it justice. I'm spellbound. Quite an unusual style for you, but brilliant as ever.
Please keep it up!
Jess x
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Liam
Looks like you had another late night I can see why, another great effort.
You and me...now that's for holdin'. -c
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I live in the united arab emirates and can picture this complete painting you have sketched with your words and imagery, truly beautiful, loved the references of mirages, caravans, camels and the "singing sands" wow!
A well written piece!
Love and light
Lencio -
ah, and these.
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oh what a journey. complete with chrome convertibles, camels and wings.
magical it seems.
but hey, it's about time yeah?
what was is in the past. it is 'what is now' time.
Then you and me,
are gone.
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