In my mind there came a voice
That called from far away
A voice I knew I should recall
From some time yesterday
The whisper that engulfs my soul
I really need to know
The voice was planted in my mind
From some time long ago
I lay there in the darkened night
And listened to it speak
The words I cannot understand
Fall crumbled at my feet
The sounds I hear come crashing through
As I try to understand
But I am left in darkness
In the wasteland that I am
In my mind I speak the words
In the hope that it will hear
And then I feel the presence
As it whispers in my ear
I hear the voice – and then recall
And then I understand
The words fall softly in my ear
I am just what I am
In my mind I hear a voice
That reaches out to me
But time has left me lost to know
And left me blind to see
7.5.2004
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Comments
1 - 23 of 23
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If you take time to hear the mind whispers, and do as you are told. Life would be so much nicer . However, it seems i never do.
A good write as usual Lee. Loved it.
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Thank you so much. I guess when I wrote this I was thinking of a couple of things and thought perhaps that if I had made different decisions things would have been different. But I guess we all end up who we are as maybe destiny is already defined for us.
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Wow!!!! This really spoke to me! As I was trying to figure out which one of your poems to read, I don't know why but, this one kept screaming ou "Pick me"! Very good portrayal of a lost soul! (At least that's what I got from it!)
~DAWN~
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Thank you for reading this piece and I am so sorry for taking so long to reply. I have been sick and have just amnaged to catch up with most things...I think. I do really appreciate your comments.
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excellent expression
A somber and haunting mood is felt throughout this poem.
You have creatively brought forward the inner voice that we all have inside, and if we are smart we listen to it.
"The words fall softly in my ear
I am just what I am"
This is a huge lesson that we all have to learn and you have captured this so well within this poem.
Thank you for reminding me to listen to my inner voice.
Jeannette
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One of the best...
...and let's face it, you can trawl through a lot of dross! Only because it is so good, would I offer a couple of thoughts.
a) Would the metre not be improved or the thought sharpened, if in l.2 of 4th verse, you simply omitted 'as', which otherwise, you have to mumble or drop your voice for? Were it punctuated, this would be enhanced by a colon.
In the second line of the following problem, of needing to speak 'in the' as one word. You could replace 'in the' with a simple 'I'.
I only say these things because I like it so much, and they are really minor. If it were just tosh, I should probably just have said it was wonderful!!
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I really love the tone of this piece, and how much rawness there is in it. It is always a pleasure to read your work!
"The words fall softly in my ear
I am just what I am"
Favorite part. Great job dear!
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Thank you so much, my friend. I am glad you liked it and I think i agree with you. That is my favourite line as well.
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A good portrayal of that little voice of our conscience that's always nagging us.
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Thanks, mate. I am glad you liked this one.
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beautiful write...
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Thank you
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No matter what we try to hide from the world there is always that voice that knows the truth.It is so hard to deny its knowledge so this is what scares us.
It knows the good we do and ignores,that but returns over and over again to relate our faults and flaws
An enjoyable read Well done
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Thanks, Legend. You have this down pat. I was thinking at the time I wrote this piece how much I keep thinking about what occureed in the past and what differences there would have been if my decisions had have been different. Hence the voice saying...I am just what I am. Thanks for stopping by.
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This is such a very poignant poem indeed and I agree it sounds personal, but it's just wonderful!
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Thank you. I guess it is personal but not in a really personal way. Thinking of what might have happened if I had made different decisions when I was younger.
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very emotional and somehow very personal. A beautifully structured piece of thought provoking writing. One of your best.
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Thanks, Bob. Personal, slightly. My idea in this piece was that if I had just made different decisions when I was younger, Maybe things would have been better. Just going over what was is the voice that continues to call. Thanks for stopping by.
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unfortunately we are stuck with the consequences arising from the decisions we made years ago. We can change a lot of the bad bits by changing how we look at things now, and, with the advantage of hindsight put things into the best perspective. Everything from our past has a place, even if it's just the very back of the bottom shelf of the basement cupboard. Some things are better left there.
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This is one of your best mate! Very emotional!
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Thank oyu so much. I really appreciate this comment as it says so much. Very much appreciated by you.
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Wow. A very very emotional and honest poem.
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Thank you so much for dropping by. Your visit and read is much appreciated.
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