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Waiting

 

He slid hands

to hidden places

 

an Eden of his

own making

 

Offered me an instant

to appreciate

the depth of

its fulfillment

 

Eyes close now

to the ache

of this expanse

 

Lips part

in memory of

moments

 

tongues wrapped

beneath moon and

morning

 

And no difference

does distance make

 

to the knowledge

of all that I know

waits

 

within his paradise

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Author notes

Prompt:
"I watch forever form
in the insignificant distance
between my thighs
and the moon"
50-70 words

In a list

A contest entry

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 66 of 66

  • Mango Memories gold member
    1 day ago
    Edit | Reply
    oh my!


  • Valley Girl silver member
    November 11

    Edit | Reply
    A nice sensual and nostolgic write. You have done an excellent job with this piece hun. Congratulations on the Gold.


  • Desire gold member
    September 30

    Edit | Reply

    Precious~

    Oh My~ Love the way You penned this and Yes how Ironic
    we both have Eden You are so right
    Adore the direction You took the prompt~
    Excellent~~~
    Brilliant Metaphors~ with Powerful images
    Bravo!!

    Appreciate Your visit to my work
    Congratulations on Your shiny!
    -throws confetti-
    Woot~

    Thank You for sharing Your Voice
    Best wishes in this contest
    with love & light~ Desire~*~


  • mysticstorm gold member
    September 30

    Edit | Reply
    WOW sis this is beautiful. I agree with everyon else so soft and subtle, yet so strongly spoken in depth and meaning...brillant and so deserving of the Gold that it wears...I am honored and you will always be my sis.

    Thank you with love.


  • faderman1959
    September 29

    Edit | Reply
    The feeling of such anticipation is what makes this so good! Written so subtley, yet hits with such force! Beautifully done! definitely worthy of the gold!


  • Naridill gold member
    September 28

    Edit | Reply
    Your alliteration is stellar. Subtle but as beautiful as the piece itself. You have a soft voice but together, you create such powerful imagery. Love it.


  • Ken-Maverick
    September 26

    Edit | Reply
    There's kinda like a subtle intensity in this
    which makes it all the better.
    Brilliant!

    Ken


  • AliceinPoetryLand gold member
    September 25

    Edit | Reply
    Another gold Well I can't say I am surprised. This is so soft and tender in thought. Beautiful! Congratulations on another gold hun


  • Fritz O skennick gold member
    September 18

    Edit | Reply

    Awesome...

    Love it Jacks...
    Smooth flowing, sensual narrative that entices as it promises in its anticipation...
    Beautifully penned as only you can...
    Keep up the good work & congratulations on another well deserved Gold shiny...
    Well done!!!


  • PerVirtuous
    September 17

    Edit | Reply
    Do you write anything that doesn't win gold? Damn. You give me an inferiority complex. Ha ha ha. Delightfully so.


  • SummerlandRayne gold member
    September 17

    Edit | Reply
    How perfectly fetching...romance to the most stunning degree. You amaze me always!

    How lovely your poets heart!


  • Carolina Moon gold member
    September 17

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, My ol' heart can't take this, this early in the morning LOL Hellfire Sis..Now this is ohhhh so beautifully sensual. It's no surprise to see the Gold shiny next to it!! Congrats!


  • Keyser Soze
    September 17

    Edit | Reply
    And it's writes like these that make me ashamed to not castrate the world and its pressures that I gain the time to visit more often
    Absolutely fabulous - definitely gold worthy


  • sweet arrival gold member
    September 14

    Edit | Reply
    ok... this is just weird. the first one i come to read from you has the garden of eden, too??? lol. i would be so cliche as to say great minds think alike, but mine doesn't come near to yours.
    wow, this entire poem is so wonderfully written. congrats on the gold.

    • kiwigirljacks gold member
      September 14
      Edit | Reply
      You know.. I was going to mention that! Spooky huh lol Great minds do think alike Yours was fabulous!

      Thanks, I'm so glad you liked it


  • Amera gold member
    September 10

    Edit | Reply
    I always expect to see gold trophys when I come to your poems. Beauty seems to ooze from your pen without effort, This is beautiful!

    Love,
    Amera


  • Cerulean Sunrise gold member
    September 10

    Edit | Reply
    Glad to see this rewarded.


  • MJ Donnelly gold member
    September 9

    Edit | Reply
    "Lips part
    in memory of
    moments

    tongues wrapped
    beneath moon and
    morning"

    Great lines, very powerful Jackie, and congrats.

    mj.


  • runewalker
    September 8

    Edit | Reply
    me too-ing it but that line:
    ... wrapped beneath moon and morning ...

    stops time.

    lightning Jax. florescent in afterglow.

    D


  • Rend the Veil gold member
    September 7

    Edit | Reply

    Congratulations on the Gold!

    Such Beautiful work,!!!!!
    you have a talent on here
    that only few have,
    this is simply gorgeous!!
    thank you so much for this
    Beautiful piece,

    with love and blessings to you
    Angel

    Rend


  • Lady Michaella
    September 7

    Edit | Reply
    oh
    my
    god

    very beautiful! not that i would understand it cuz yer im 14.. but wow beautiful stuff here fantastic imagery
    well doen on the gold! ! ! ! !
    xx


  • Poetic Tasha Moderators member
    September 6

    Edit | Reply
    ooooooh nicely writen cugina
    lovely sensual imagery
    definitly well deserved gold shiney!

    Tasha


  • SpydurPoet gold member
    September 6

    Edit | Reply
    Wow. That was amazing. I loved "tongues wrapped beneath moon and morning." This whole poem was filled with stunning imagery. Wow.
    Write on.
    ~*~SP~*~


  • Swangrnv gold member
    September 6

    Edit | Reply

    wow!

    what a surrealistically seren scene.. beautiful and dreamy lady! so happy to see you penning again, still as masterful as ever too! congrats on the much deserved gold lady...


  • Ravensdark
    September 6

    Edit | Reply
    This is a very sensual write. Almost teasingly so, which makes it all the more alluring. As always great articulation. Great write and a most deserved gold trophy.


  • LadyDementia gold member
    September 6

    Edit | Reply

    Congrats on the gold!

    Wow, this could leave one very hot under the collar I wonder who was in your thoughts while writing...? An excellent piece hunni, showing no matter what you still pen the best poem for miles around! Just need to try and slot in a few more Congrats on the well earned gold Whoohoo!


  • AutumnGypsy gold member
    September 6

    Edit | Reply
    How I wish I knew where this paradise lay, you left me wanting more, so I didn't have to come back to reality. No distance makes no difference where the heart is concerned. I love that you have made this so any reader could make what they want of it. That's what makes a brilliant poem and that's by far what you have here. best to you in the contest


  • Solo Wisp gold member
    September 6

    Edit | Reply
    I find there to be a calm sadness to this poem with a feeling of very little connection .. I see you up on a pedestal with imaginary desire twinkling between the two ... not much else, in my opinion. Reminds me of an internet romance without a meeting or destined to be as such.

    The wording, however, is such that this can be read a few different ways. I've always loved that aspect of your muse.

    Best of luck in the quickie!



    Steve

    • kiwigirljacks gold member
      September 6
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks hun.. I think lol
      No, it's not an internet thing lol, it's a real life thing that circumstance just doesn't want to let be fulfilled... yet, there is hope still


  • Randomly Beautiful
    September 6

    Edit | Reply
    OMG! You found the muse!!! Yeah!!! This was a splendid read indeed. I love the way you word things. Example, And no difference does distance make. Unique and lovely.



  • Mariana gold member
    September 6

    Edit | Reply

    This is stunning Ms Jacks. You and your self doubt.

    Your work never ceases to amaze me.

    Mariana  

     

    I'm off to delete my entry.

    • kiwigirljacks gold member
      September 6
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks hun Just cause I am not writing much I get nervous ya know? But this just spilled .. it's my life.. the quote just slapped me!

      I'm off to read your entry!! Noo deleting missy!


  • PrInCeSsOfRoCk gold member
    September 6

    Edit | Reply
    dead? bollocks! lolz. i thought i was seeing things when i saw you osted a new poem (can never trust my eyes lately when im tired heh)

    loving it you CAN write. you'll only get a slap if you say otherwise...so careful


  • Cerulean Sunrise gold member
    September 6
    Edit | Reply
    How very beautiful.

    Good luck in the contest!


  • Pure Thought silver member
    September 5

    Edit | Reply
    Ok, so if the muse is dead, you did this on your own. Well you just proved you don't need her then.

    This was strong subtlety. Quiet heat, well warmed am I.

    Buddy


    • kiwigirljacks gold member
      September 5
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks Buddy

      • Pure Thought silver member
        September 6
        Edit | Reply

        you are welcome

        I was reading my way up my list of recent by favorites and couldn't wait to read this, knowing I would not be disappointed. The distance is one thing, it's the damn time that gets in the way.



  • notorious
    September 5

    Edit | Reply
    Are every single one of your ANs obligated to be self-deprecating? A poet (bad or not) should only be allowed to do that once every three poems, max.

    "an Eden of his
    own making"
    Sinful (without entering sleaze) and nice biblical reference (er ... that is a biblical reference, right?). It just stands out.

    It's got hopelessness all over it. (The mood of the poem, not the quality of the poem).

    ;

    • kiwigirljacks gold member
      September 5
      Edit | Reply
      Yes, it's biblical lol Eden/paradise... fulfillment.

      "Hopelessness".. I hadn't intended it.. I wanted to go for some hope at the end.. but you are right. Damn.

      My ANs speak but the truth!


      • notorious
        September 6
        Edit | Reply
        Hooooooooooooooold up.
        I reread this.
        There's hope, just barely. Which works.


        • kiwigirljacks gold member
          September 6
          Edit | Reply
          Perfect! I wanted it to be just barely... but still the agony of the wait/distance to override it.


      • Pure Thought silver member
        September 6
        Edit | Reply
        I saw the hope.


  • Cerulean Sunrise gold member
    September 5
    Edit | Reply
    You!

1 - 66 of 66