you can turn a page
you can see the words
you can picture what i saw
you can imagin how i felt
you can be in my mind for a moment
but will you understand me yet?
you can open your arms
you can reach out with your heart
you can recieve my whispers
you can catch my tears
you can tell me you have been there
but will you know my fears?
or will you burn the page
forget the words
ignore the images
close your arms
repeat my whispers
let go of my tears
and become something to fear?
Author notes
I'm not a fan of the last stanza, but this was how it came out. Any suggestions?
Care to comment?
Comments
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An interesting piece... But there seem to be a few typing errors (Easy enough when one is in a hurry!) "Imagine" needs its final "e", and "receive" has the "i" and "e" the wrong way round!
Regarding the last stanza... If you are not happy with it, then my advice is that of Mayakovskiy... Put the poem away for six months, and then come back to it, and see then what you feel needs to be done!
Far better that than asking other people's advice. This is a fine piece as it stands - and it would be a pity if it were to be "workshopped to death".
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Love the repetition....it's another one of your infamous punch-in-the-gut poems. Seriously, I love how you can deliver such emotion, especially when it's not exactly a pleasant thought, right to my heart, and completely bypass my brain. I read this, and I feel it - there is no digestion, no struggle to comprehend.
I think the last stanza is great, up until that last line...it sort of weakens the punch, for me. I'm sorry I can't think of a better word to clinch it for you, but I'm sure if you look at it in the morning, or a few days from now, the answer will hit you.
I adore.
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I like this.... very nicely written, the pattern is nice and I likeee it....
<333
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