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plastic candles

i once swallowed her beauty as if
she were a pendant
           to a half-light parti pris,
or maybe a
goddess of whispers whose tears
were buried by laughing
           children who wept shadows.

plastic candles have drown a song
along her life’s bridled path
while purity
raped and sundered
           her floral cinders of love  
into an absence of
what is
what should be
and what
           she will forever become.

she has never felt like a pretty girl,
and i have tried to make
her
beautiful, but now
a memory can’t call to mind how.

 

H.L. Peterson (September 2009)

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Comments

1 - 25 of 25
  • cloverbarbie1028
    November 3

    Edit | Reply
    This is so beautiful. When I read it I found myself captivated in it and it was like I had entered into a story. This is amazing and I am def. going to read more


  • LilyRose
    October 31

    Edit | Reply
    ...what is, what should be, and what she will forever become
    This line is profoundly precious and beholds such expression of acknowledgment and what is seen. Rare are those who write and share to discuss such truths. So many facets of life seen and felt in your write that words cannot come through all the visions to express them, but leave this reader in awe to know there is another therein is some form of comfort. A blessed touching write dear poet.


  • Daizee silver member
    October 30
    Edit | Reply
    When I can feel the ache in my chest reading something, it's gotta be good.

  • DonutNinja
    October 11
    Edit | Reply

    awesome dude

    I like this one


  • Odds and Ends
    October 6
    Edit | Reply
    This is...

    you weep, i weep. maybe it's just understanding.

    beautiful, dear friend.


  • Emmyb gold member
    October 6
    Edit | Reply
    didnt i comment on this?
    i must have been in a bad mood.

  • DonutNinja
    September 24
    Edit | Reply

    I like this one

    good one. a story put very professionaly and elegantly.


  • oldschoolhero gold member
    September 13
    Edit | Reply
    amazing


  • Redstormy gold member
    September 12
    Edit | Reply
    Damn, this is good!


  • Hillz0rz
    September 6
    Edit | Reply
    yes.

  • Rowan gold member
    September 6

    Edit | Reply
    This is how poetry should read. Really good work; line breaks, language, mood...
    it all works. This line snagged, but it could be just me;
    "have drown a song"
    I keep reading it as, drowned, drawn?
    Anyway, like I said, it's most likely me. lol.
    As for swallowing pendants, tell m. it may not be desirable, but it's been done.


  • Barry Hodges silver member
    September 5

    Edit | Reply
    You know, I often get very confused here. What, please tell me, is a "half-light parti pris" ??? It's not that the individual words are difficult, it's the combo which buggers me up.


  • daydreamdisaster
    September 5

    Edit | Reply
    "into an absence of
    what is
    what should be
    and what
    she will forever become."

    Great writing, i really like this. It's very dark and tells such a deep story. Good stuff.


  • csmmoms2
    September 5
    Edit | Reply
    It really is a song that Otis Redding would have been proud of. -c


  • ears2hearyou gold member
    September 5

    Edit | Reply
    It is written in a quote:
    a woman doesn't want to be loved because she is pretty, or intelligent,
    or well-bred, or polite but because she is ...herself.

    It's been a painful process for women to learn their inner beauty
    and not be minimized by expectations or the media influence.

    Sometimes...it's a...defining moment...when others ~stop~
    their pleasing and allow a woman to discover it for herself

    and blessings be to the man who lets her weep out each tear
    and trembling fear....cleansing her heart and soul.
    It is the intimate and beautiful peeling process for a woman.

    What a lucky man you are to simply stand firm by her side!
    It is a remarkable journey each woman outlines for herself.


    ears/Seattle



  • Edie gold member
    September 5

    Edit | Reply
    "i once swallowed her beauty as if
    she were a pendant
    to a half-light parti pris"


    hmmmm thats a dance and half.
    Such poignant and thoughtful sadness in this write. Well done.

  • refinnej
    September 5
    Edit | Reply
    Wonderful!!! The format is great. Sometimes the most beautiful people feel ugly and are the most depressed.


  • NurseChilly gold member
    September 5

    Edit | Reply
    i have seen old and young die and held them, washed them, choked back the tears with their relatives, and i have seen beauty even in death... memories are precious and strong and outlive the grief and sadness we can feel
    bloody good write H.. love it


  • pumpykin
    September 5

    Edit | Reply

    Wow

    A very powerful write. The words are hauntingly beautiful yet have a sort of disturbing, eerie feeling lying just beneath the surface. Great write


  • tresmemphis gold member
    September 5

    Edit | Reply
    This is nice..beauty is not just on the outside but truly comes from the inside...many people forget this. I try not too. A person's inside is what makes them who they are....their substance. I liked this one..


  • Forever more yours
    September 5
    Edit | Reply

    Stunning.

    I can simply say, I adore it.


  • Night Hope gold member
    September 5

    Edit | Reply

    I agree with Mary's assessment, H.L. - this IS poetry. The entirety of the beginning stanza is stunning work, my Friend. I especially liked your use of "parti pris"...very nice. You and I both know you can't make someone feel beautiful or be happy - it's up to the individual to pursue and attain that course of serenity for themselves. All we can ever really do is love them and hope they may one day find the strength and purpose within themselves to know why we do. I also liked the phrase "floral cinders of love" - very petally, very descriptive in a softly-scented way. I heartily approve of this poem, Scribe. Even more so of you.



  • Cat
    September 5

    Edit | Reply
    your finest work.. this is poetry

    the ending is amazing.. what i love most about the end is the separation of the lines
    i have tried to make
    her
    beautiful, but now

    one implication for a wandering mind, because of the line breaks, is that you have tried to form her in the image you choose.. .i love that it isnt cut and dry
    are you forming her for you or for her.. --- i love the conundrum

    my only question is would you swallow a pendant?..

1 - 25 of 25