i saw a man with a briefcase today
because he must've been going somewhere
awfully important
he had a red tie
and an oversized black suitcoat
but his shoulder blades still
stuck out like
wrists reaching for
god
he dropped his briefcase and
it was full of drawings of cats
and little houses
and the way jesus smiles
he started crying a little,
fumbled with the locks on it
and kept walking.
--
my grandfather will never
watch the sun set,
never drive too fast
or listen to songs
he already knows
because she might see him
and be sad
i always watch the sun die,
drive too fast to make this
hurt seem
accidental;
listen to the songs i remember
every damn word to,
even if i shouldn't
i write about how i
forgot that my grandmother
had cancer,
because i was drunk
the night they told me
and how
i wouldn't hold her hand
when she was dying
because i was scared i could
feel it.
and i don't know who
sees me
but
they're probably
sad
--
i will never carry a briefcase,
never light a match without
being scared of what could burn
never sleep without thinking
about how many miles i will
abandon to see lights that
feel like home.
i burn a lot of my poems,
it makes them feel real somehow;
like the smell of fire when a child
is inside,
his sheets have fire engines on them
and he doesn't wake to witness
the irony.
that child almost died in a clinic
seven years ago
but she found a stretch mark on her
stomach that morning
and he had grown big enough
to be heard.
and i am envious.
--
sometimes that briefcase isn't
so empty
and those are the nights
where the bullet rocks in his skull
like his son on the tire swing
in the backyard
i wonder if it tastes like lead in hell
or if it just tastes like the way
jesus smiles
Author notes
props to brad paisley for the title.
- blackberry picking group list • next in list
A contest entry
- Mothernaked by Asabouros..
1100 points, ended September 13, 6 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - For my FAVES only; please enter. by perfectsunset.
750 points, ended October 7, 62 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What's your constructive criticisms and thoughts on my poem?
Comments
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well shit.
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is that a good 'well shit'?
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lol most definitely.
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thank you then.
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"never light a match without
being scared of what could burn"
not sure what this means to you personally but to me I see this as 'not scared to go and do something because of what might happen'
and the last line
"and Jesus smiles"
wow your poetry is so real and full of feeling!
I really could see the old man with the briefcase
and a teenager standing in a hospital room not knowing what to do or feel.
again... amazing
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i love the imagery in this, especially the first part about the man and the briefcase. the ending here is really interesting, in a good way. you are very talented.
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Your poem brings so many memories and emotions to mind...Such a penning, I have never read anything quite like it...Vivid images! You evoke so much emotion, and your style of writing is nothing short of amazing..Keep penning...and congratulations on your Gold trophy!
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It's my pleasure..
thank YOU for submitting them
cause lately I haven't really
'felt' from reading poetry-
yours spoke volumes i can
really understand -
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thank you. <3
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Okay, honestly I feel like giving you gold,
silver & bronze right now and calling
it a day. Seriously.
This one touched me the greatest,
I honestly almost cried at the
8th stanza- on.
Your words are cutting, real, open,
not afraid to speak of truth and
death and pain and sorrow.
It's like I'm reading the world I'm
afraid to write about.
You inspire me.
Will be reading lots more from you,
can't believe I haven't in so long.
guess that's what happens when
ya got too many faves eh? lol
Best of luck & thanks for entering
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thank you so so so so much, your comments that you left mean so much to me.
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It's just so well written. You have a way with words.
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i write about how i
forgot that my grandmother
had cancer,
because i was drunk
the night they told me
and how
i wouldn't hold her hand
when she was dying
because i was scared i could
feel it.
this is sooooo amazing. it nearly brought me to tears. its so sweet and emotional. well done
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thank you so much, i really appreciate it.
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Striking. Your words are like a photograph of emotion. !-}
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Wow! I am speechless!
You are amazing!
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thank you.
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"but his shoulder blades still
stuck out like
wrists reaching for
god"
love it.
love this.
brilliant.
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that means so much to me, thank you.
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never light a match without
being scared of what could burn - that line was effin genius.
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yeah, this is pretty much amazing
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thank you
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my goodness.. i don't know how to comment this but you totally blew me away with every image. thank you for sharing <3
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thank you SO much.
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hahahah i meant it to be like from the kid that died in the fire/artist of the pictures' camera.
D;
too far out there, i guessss.
haha that's NOT true.
people like you more than they like me. -
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<
oh what-ever. even if people like me better, that doesn't mean I am better. people liked me six months ago when I wrote horribly. -
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D;
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you're so stubborn. ><
help with my lyrics, maybe? I'm stumped. utterly and absolutely. -
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haha link me. :]
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