I bleed like a wax effigy
losing features beneath the sun
The heart seeped out the chest
to form an island in the mud
When fulfillment left a vacancy
a parasite crawled in
and fed on veins of vanity
to claim vengence for every sin
I see your eyes and want to die
for what could be drew me in
But love gives back to error
when the dusk light grows too dim
Theres a bullet knocking at my temple
who begs for an invite in
and there's a solemn soulless wreck
who courts cliche' with a pen
I carved a map into my chest
and waited for a sign
That viscous streams may lead me home
if only for a time
So light my wick for her
to illuminate the dark
Your angel begs return
to the autumn within the heart
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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I really like the forth stanza -- sort of reminiscent of "King of Pain" by the Police, but in an effective way.
One thing -- in the fifth stanza, you say "That viscous streams may lead me home/ if only for a time". If you meant 'viscous', that's really cool, but it's an entirely different meaning than 'vicious'. Honestly, I'm hoping it's 'viscous' you meant in the first place.
But I don't think this is too generic. Maybe the subject matter is, but your strong imagery makes that point entirely moot. Excellent job. -
wow
really great job love the word choice its fabulous kudos to you
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Wow great job I loved it
Two thumbs up
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