There may have been nothing more pitiful than I was in that moment. Nothing more pitiful than the excuses I was dragging behind me like an old blanket. Security; to keep you there, ragged and useless. And it was so selfish of me to drag you around like that, but damn it.... I was afraid.
And there were plenty of nights where I know I made you feel like a star. I was always good at painting on pretty smiles and giving you the show of a life time. Maybe you were as blind as I thought because I don't think you saw it coming. I don't think you saw it happening. I find it funny how ignoragnt you were the whole time, and how cruel I really became.
So I decided to look really deep inside the monster I had become and stop pulling you on your puppet strings. It could've been labeled an act of selflesness but honestly we all know I'm not that decent. I cut you free and it was like watching death in the form of life. Beautiful, tragic and complete chaos. I told you it was for your own good, but don't we know that's not the truth.... I was looking for something else. Soemthing new. Something I didn't have to drag.
Here it goes, that thing called guilt, clawing up my throat and eating on my heart. And i know if I took you back it would be a lie, I knew if i reattached the strings I would pull you up and you would pull me down. Ruined and utterly flawless. We were so perfectly juxtaposed it was a sin. and you just wanted more.
When all I could do was tell you no.
I just stood there with my blank eyes and hope you heard my silent message.
I'm Sorry.
Author notes
I'm a horrid person.
A contest entry
- im tired. give me prose. free verse. etc. by Tzipora.
600 points, ended September 8, 29 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
UGH.....
Comments
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Even if we do bad things or treat people badly, it doesn't mean we're horrid. I've had my fair share of hurting people but I'm hoping I've outgrown it now or perhaps, learned to love myself enough that I've forgiven myself.
I'm not sure what this is about. It could be many things, a failed relationship is what I get, one that had problems and maybe it would have never worked. If that's how you feel, you should not be with them. Feeling guilty because you felt you were cruel to detach yourself is natural but totally okay. We shouldn't feel pleased with ourselves for letting someone go. We should be sad, angry, feel hurt by them and ourself, and more... and the best thing to do is what you did, write. You'll figure it out.
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good way to vent. i think you could have went deeper. but i do like the theme and certain parts.
--I knew if i reattached the strings I would pull you up and you would pull me down.
that part i love.
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