Dreams struggle to stay alive.
Morning pries at the eyes,
your foot slides in an electric glide
along my shin. Sheets billow,
springs rock, I am back at sea.
Mermaid plays songs I crave
believe. In the tangle stirred foam,
her salty promises catch rhyme
melt into my ears half sung breezes untied.
She rises, a wave, her hair
drowns me in a torrent of darkness.
Light: her eyes. Morning has woken
storm clouds, black -- rimed in pink --
hang against the water
boat rocks, bells clang
creatures of the deep nudge
the hull. The winds eddy about sails
leave them flapping, distraught, unsure.
She descends from where she watched.
Leaves traces of kisses about my face,
brushes of wing tips, she surges about me.
I face the waves as I climb from valley
up to the frothy top, know the fury
coming with the storm. Seas are never
conquered. Man proves nothing,
but foolishness, when he dares to challenge.
I am awake and the bed screams
She glows and flows around me.
I am her fish. She plays out the line,
lets me leap and display my struggles.
This is a dream. Mermaid,
goddess of sea and sky,
she takes my vessel in her stormy white
fingers; dances with my prayers .
I steer no course mapped or hoped.
Lightning flashes, displays no savior --
only her desires. I pray for the strength to meet
wet torrents of fire.
Plunge my creaking vessel,
rise up through the waves,
stay true to this dreamer’s mercy.
The air is stolen.
The sea collapses around me. Spent.
I float up from coral, a porpoise, bird, cloud.
Rise from struggle, to dream, to knowledge
of these milky shores, linen sands,
where I am to be found.
Morning breaks open the day.
In the light, I find my way.
She melts promises we share
gold we both upon our fingers wear.
2:30 PM
09/03/09
Starbucks at St. A’s and King
Alexandria, VA
Author notes
Option 1 -- I am rarely graphic, so I hope this stirs your dreams.
A contest entry
- Light my fire (under 18 stay out) by Loving my life.
400 points, ended November 22, 39 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
Please tell me what you think, what it makes you feel, how you are moved.
Comments
1 - 43 of 43
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I love the cadence of the poem. Your imgages are beautiful. A wonderful write indeed
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Part of the joy of your own senses is to be able to write with them. This is a celebration of all the sensuous wonder that goes on when two touch. Metaphor, symbol, analogy are but tools to create a language of touch and being touched that does not exist in the English language. The goal to awaken and set free our sense of wonder, joy and magic that is what is so good about being flesh.
Peace,
Tom B.
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Metaphor
this is good, really good, the way you used your words with a double edged meaning
I better not say any more or I'll ruin the poem, but good job at it
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Thank You Much
Send me an IM with your reading of my poem and all that you find with in, hidden in innuendo, slipped along by suggestion for I always am fascinated by what is drawn from my poems. It is not about right or wrong, but more about me learning better ways to create with the tools I have come to know.
Peace, Tom B.
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Perfect
This amazingly awesome. I love it.
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Thanks. I just use the images we can create in our dreams to show the things for which there are no words. Again, my appreciation for your joy in my simple words.
Peace,
Tom B.
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With the dream that flows like the tides of the waves in the ocean, to the warmth of the sun upon the skin the breaks the surface of the blue waters, your words bring forth a sensual flow to them. This like all your other works is truly amazing.
Riftkin
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Amazing?
I am, truly, unable to fathom myself in that context. This is one of my sensual forays in the erotic and I am always pleased and touched by how often people are moved and touched by them. But, I know, I still have far to go to reach a point where they are exquisite and become publishable. Thanks for the support and the belief for they are always valued and cherished.
Love,
Tom B.
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I like your imagery and you are good at rhyme, but the only problem I have with your rhyme is that you often break the lines up in a way to establish a rhyme. It makes it a bit disjointed at time creating some unnatural pauses which sometimes interrupt the flow that rhymes are used to establish.
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Ya know, ya may have a point. But I break lines where I would pause other than a comma when I read them at open mics. You might say I put in clues about how I want to emphasize or down play a line as I am reading it out loud. I do like to play away from the rhyme and have meaning and imagery stand above. Still, you may have a point. I, unfortunately, am not able to see what you are saying from my paradigm.
Peace,
Tom B.
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this was very moving especially the last verse which i really enjoyed. thanks for the great read. so talented
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Thanks for the compliment. I enjoy capturing the sensual in a way that fires the senses.
Peace,
Tom B.
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This is what i am still trying to mimic with no luck, this is what i wanted to write when i first said show me how to use nature strong and sweet to be sensual.
Okay so some students have to take the class many times. Good thing i got a cool teacher that lets me sit in the back row knowing i am eager to learn still.
Wow you blew my mind as the first time i read you and many many times i keep coming back for more.
sigh....as only you can make me do
Love,
~Lisa P~
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I wanted to catch the muzy space between dream and awake and use it to create this dream not dream and let the ocean with all its sensual images slip through the conscious mind to the inner heart where dreams start.
It is always good to be a teacher. Even if I have learned that it doesn't mean I have any answers only a few more of the signs that show where this path is. This path that I pray is the right one.
Love,
Tom B.
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Gold we wear upon our fingers, promises made and they share. Firey passion between man and sea....lol
~Sie
Love it
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it is that old question, what is dream and what is truth. I could play even more with that, but you know well what I mean.
Love,
Tom B.
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The first line captured my attention already... What a wonderful read...
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I always pray my first lines will capture my audience. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
Peace, Tom B.
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Wonderfully, arousingly sensual. I love the lines "The air is stolen. The sea collapses around me." Everytime I think there can't possibly be any originality left....well you showed me! Beautiful poem.
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Original? Perhaps in vision and dream quest. Every moment is unique but that doesn't make them more or less special.
Glad you enjoyed my endeavors. I am always touched by the sharing.
Peace,
Tom B.
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Soft and visual as only you can do C
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Thanks Cheryl. It would be nice to think so.
Love,
Tom B.
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wow, its stuff like this that makes me feel like such an ametuer, talent...I loved this poem, I love the words, and wow they were put together, all i can say is wow, however stupid that word, wow is. but its says it all...
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Part of the path to being a good writer is learning to deconstruct what they have done. I use to read poets and if I really liked them I would try to copy their style and voice. I didn't always succeed, but it helped me to become a better poet and understand more about the techniques. In the end you might be surprised by what you accomplish.
Peace & Light,
Tom B.
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i liked it
great job keep it up -
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Thanks
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I like the storm clouds rimed in pink and there is lots of other compelling imagery here.
Enjoyed your write.
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Wanted to capture the contrasts. Glad you enjoyed the line.
Peace,
Tom B.
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love this part
This is a dream. Mermaid,
goddess of sea and sky,
she takes my vessel in her stormy white
fingers; dances with my prayers .
I steer no course mapped or hoped.
Lightning flashes, displays no savior --
only her desires. I pray for the strength to meet
wet torrents of fire.
it spoke to me
great job
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This is a dream. Mermaid,
goddess of sea and sky,
she takes my vessel in her stormy white
fingers; dances with my prayers .
I steer no course mapped or hoped.
Lightning flashes, displays no savior --
only her desires. I pray for the strength to meet
wet torrents of fire.
these line really held me.......awesome
cheers
abybaby -
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So quick the power of the sea takes all it can from the man if he does not learn to breathe the power with which life was conceived.
Peace & Light,
Tom B.
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Stanzas 1, 4, 6
wonderful poetry. The entire write is a fine piece but those three stanzas stand out and seem to hold the write completely together to your fine ending lines. Good work poet.
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Thanks my friend. Haven't really been this deep into a truly sensual poem in a while. Glad it worked for you.
Peace & Light,
Tom B.
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breathtaking!
from the first word to the last, you captured my attention and took me with you in this erotic and sex journy....how wonderful a write this is!!!!
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Been so long since I really wrote a sexy poem. Erotica with my thoroughly sensual, visual approach. Glad it worked so well. Magic is supposed to keep one bound and it sounds as if I did.
Love,
Tom B.
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I love poetryality's comment. It is so fitting for this piece. It "arouses the senses in fathom's deep". Or from fathom's deep. Either way, great soothing song. I just love your stuff, because it always moves me in a direction I seldom feel.
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To awaken sensations that are rarely moved, what a compliment. I got into sensuality primarily to answer or respond to all sorts of feelings I was discovering after no longer being bound by anxiety. Glad you enjoyed.
Love,
Tom B.
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"Plunge my creaking vessel,
rise up through the waves,
stay true to this dreamer’s mercy."
My dear, this poem arouses the senses in fathoms deep. O’ What a wonder! You know I love the water, it soothes me. In this case it caused great excitement! I love your poetry. You take the reader on a wondrous journey with the magic of true love. This is so much finer than "erotica". This is sensual and soul enticing. BEAUTIFUL!
BRAVO! BRAVISSIMO!
I wish you the best in the challenge!
Always & Forever ♥
Renee
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There is something about an ocean ... the power, the flow, the sensuality, the freedom -- all of it leaves me feeling so free, yet part of something far far greater than me.
Glad you enjoyed my dance of dreams, may your be united in the soul sea with the blue green dream of your heart.
Love,
Tom B.
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This is awesome and totally salacious early morning moments of passion
and your metaphoric mind works wonders; I loved every word of this poem but my favorite is this verse:
""This is a dream. Mermaid,
goddess of sea and sky,
she takes my vessel in her stormy white
fingers; dances with my prayers .
I steer no course mapped or hoped.
Lightning flashes, displays no savior --
only her desires. I pray for the strength to meet
wet torrents of fire.""
This verse is dynamic, sexy and heated in such a classical way it sings
"Oh Glory don't stop now"....a very erotic poem...excellent writing...Novy
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I wanted to fire imaginations, I feel perhaps I did if yours caught fire. Thanks.
Love,
Tom B.
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Okay...It's official...
I have a new tomisb favorite poem...
Wow, I didn't think anything could beat out "the catch" but this is so amazing..and don't argue when I say amazing because this is...Blew me away after melting...
Few really get how to write sensually....sensuality is all about romance and this is a prime example of true sensuality in a poem...
sigh~
Lynda
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I like to excite feelings, awaken senses and seed dreams. Glad to know I did it again for you. It is hard to illuminate as well as illustrate and not try to control. It is often easier to hold on when you know you must set free. This is one of those poems that got loose.
Love, Tom B.
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