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Untitled (suggestions welcomed)

Innocence of a child
bright eyed and wild
Live for their dreams
dancing upon sun beams

Gentle as the wind blows
upon the petals of a rose
Remember worn out days
in very extraordinary ways

Remember your in control
of your ultimate goal
Strive to reach the top
look back but never stop

Your dreams you hold
as your life you unfold
Within the shallow brands
upon the palm of our hands

Author notes

this was hard to put into words.. It still is not the way i was hoping it would turn out ill continue to work on it.
Prompt: Ordinary Day by Venessa Carlton

A contest entry

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
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Comments

1 - 5 of 5

  • Desire gold member
    September 11

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    Welcome Back!!

    Thank You for sharing Your Gems of Wisdom: Untitled (suggestions welcomed)
    ~
    I'm Blessed to read Your verse again~
    Honored to have You enter~
    Thankies for Your Patience
    Many Blessings to You in my contest Sweet Soul
    Best wishes & judging will be done shortly
    with much love and light~ Desire~*~

  • Desire gold member
    September 8
    Edit | Reply

    Thank You!

    Thank You for Your entry: Untitled (suggestions welcomed)
    This piece tugged hard at Spirit and after reading several times ~
    I'm Honored also Humbled You took the time to pen for my contest
    You took the prompt and brought forth much for the Mind to feast upon~
    Bravo!! When I digest words written, images come through that grab hard~
    Woven Strengths: Wow~ Now this is one Unique take on the prompt with
    a different perspective that pulls~
    I kept being shown a child running through a meadow
    and holding this wand and appears as if this giant bubble was in tow
    I'm shown children jump roping on this same meadow type setting-

    It appears like this vast open space and beyond one can see mountains
    Sounds like St. Louis~ I keep hearing reference to St. Louis I believe I
    am getting
    Tight rhyme too
    Also could see a rainbow~ as if arched over these children...
    seemed many tears fell earlier for some reason...feels like a death...
    either an Uncle or someone in a Uncle type role (faint) for it seems
    like quite some time ago
    However that is to be Interpreted.
    You give the Reader much to think about
    Love the direction You took with this prompt
    Hopefully my comment to Your write makes sense
    Powerful verse and message You have brought forth

    These words grabbed and pulled~
    Within the shallow brands
    upon the palm of our hands
    Vivid Imagery poured in these lines...

    Thank You for sharing Your Talent also Voice
    also best wishes to You in the contest Sweet Soul
    Many blessings too
    with much love and light~ Desire~*~



  • MoonlitRoses
    September 4

    Edit | Reply
    This is really gorgeous. The flow is velvety smooth and it just oozes those carefree days when your a young child.
    Love it =]


  • Deaths Prayer
    September 3
    Edit | Reply
    Nicely penned my number one saint

    No title?


  • SpydurPoet gold member
    September 3

    Edit | Reply
    Ooh. This is so beautiful, so sweet. Awesome dedication to a child. Amazing.
    Write on.
    ~*~SP~*~

1 - 5 of 5