Your ghost lays its head upon my pillow
and the rain, it gets me down
My feet are soaking wet
Standing too long beneath your window
Spaces dimly-lit, I wandered hollow trees
Silence splintering my bones
Hearts die heavy with regret
Wise men playing God, bring me to my knees
but you're a boy… and I'm a dreamer
You will walk away… walk away to leave me
and now... as I lay roses at your feet
I pray mistakes we've made
Wont be held in cold hands as they flee
I see your anger will not fade
Tears collect abandoned feelings
Chinese whispers turned you deaf
To all the promises we'd made
for, you're a boy… and I'm a dreamer
Back when we were good, I'd place my hand upon your cheek
I was good for you
and you were good for me
Yesterday has gone, tender sighs forever weep
but it's ok...
cos I'm just a girl and you're a dreamer
Author notes
Inspired by the wonderful lyrics of Emiliana Torrini
(2 lines are similar to some of Emiliana's lyrics but not identical)
A contest entry
- Pre-writes Rounds Contest by DancingStar.
400 points, ended October 23, 60 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
I plan to review. Please feel free to make suggestions.
Comments
1 - 82 of 82
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I've probably commented on this before, but I really liked the picture you have at the start. It really fits the rest of it. I still think its amazing, this really is beautiful xx
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This poem was really good. I loved it! I think it had a good flow and rhythm. And it's interesting, and of course, that's always good =)
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thiss awsome
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Very nice. The last four lines seemed a tad awkward to me, but otherwise the rest was very beautifully written.
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I do not know the song, so I do not quite know how to make judgements on this poem (as rule of thumb it is not a good idea to use the words of others, even in paraphrase as this can get you into big trouble) it is a mysterious piece with a rythem of its own...
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it's okay... i would never steal anyone else's words. "the rain gets me down" inspired this poem... it's a rather common comment, one that i use quite often myself - i cant stand the rain it's more her album & the way she writes that inspires me. apart from the rain part it's my own style & very different to anything she has written.
thanks for your comments, much appreciated.
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This is a really good poem. You captured a sense of pain and longing excellently. However the last four lines seem to interupt the rest of poem, they dont follow the same rythm as the rest of the poem. Still it is a wonderful job, well done.
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this was originally written as lyrics but i'll take out the last couple of lines so it reads better as a poem.
thanks for your comments xx
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I just read this poem to the mom that lost her son, as I said, in the most extreme and worst, set of circmstances. she is suffering, this happened in aug. I wrote his poem, on aug. 4. She loved this poem. she is comforted by this poem......she is a heatbroken woman who is living the worst nigtmare any mother any where, all over the globe all over...this pain, lasts forever..................no pill for this ill.....
I believe the spirit of this boy is strong enough, and he just proved it................becasue the name of the person who wrote thes tyrics. emilian. torrini.........close enough for her.............she was over whelmes but put a smile on my face..................he chose you....................believe it or not -
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laura
i am so glad my poem has brought comfort to you and especially to your friend. i cant even imagine what she is going through right now. a nightmare i truly wish no-one ever had to go through.
while i cant explain how my poem related so closely to your friend's circumstances i am honoured that this boy's spirit has resonated through my simple words.
i hope life will be fair enough to help your friend find some kind of peace soon.
thank you for such an incredible compliment - it met me at a time i was losing belief in myself. if this boy really did choose me, i couldnt be happier that he was able to find a path to his mother. life is full of mysteries...
keep in touch. i would like to know how your friend is doing. my heart is with you all.
love & blessings
dee xx
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I read this out loud in my warm confines of my room....I loved the way it sounded.
great write, and for some reason, i picked up some similarities, on something, lets just leave it that....and listen carefully now, it just came to me what this meant . I made a phone call to a mom that lost her son like a son to me.
she was not home, he was my daughers best friend.
I just finished reading his poem, and thinking about things and him.
This was a tragic set of circumstances for this boy and his family and my self.
I read this poem, left to do all the above so mentioned.
when I came back to your poem.......................I looked and what do I read, as my heat beats one mile a second, so it feels.........this boys name was Torroni his last name...............oh my God.........is all I can say...........if you only knew the rest of it, it would really give you the hope that we all need in our lives...........lets just leave it that, I am going to do what I wanted to do and that write his poem, for him,,,,which i wrote for him, and what came spitting out of a brand new printer were papes and pages of what appeared to be smeared ink, which I was pissed off, his poem was a bunch of smeared ink,,,,,,,,but I kept them, there are imagies all over these pages, that his mom has to see....for she needs to see............I do nor will I ever believe in mere conincidence the word does not exist in my vocabulary, per say...........so the fact that this all happened on your poem, on this out of the blue random poem,,,,,,,,,,,well......................
Hi, pleased to meet you my name is Laura .
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aaww....so sad. I really loved this one. Kept me reading all the way through. Truly a masterpiece. Thank you for sharing this with the readers on this sight. I really love the stanza
Spaces dimly-lit, I wandered hollow trees
Silence splintering my bones
Hearts die heavy with regret
Wise men playing God, bring me to my knees
powerful words. Keep it up.
----prankstar -
Loved this poem except for the last four lines. The last four lines had a different tone and style as opposed to the rest of the poem and takes away from that sense of longing that I felt up until that line where you said but it's ok...
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I like this poem. Its great. I have to say, that last line surprised me alil but great anways.
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Great
I am guessing your poem is about a girl who is in love with a boy. I really liked the last line. The change of the repetitive line was a very nice touch. My only suggestion that I can think of is in your next poem use less spaces but the scpaces do add a more dramaical effect. -
would make a good song
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it certainly would! it already is.
good boy for doing as you're told btw
love your guts xx
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Such a sad poem of lament over a love reluctantly fading into the void of heart ache.
i could feel the emotions pouring over me as I read the words out loud. Beautifully written.
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This is a great poem...I love all the imagery you have going here. I could picture everything you wrote here, and it had a lot of uniqueness. I think my favorite parts were the first two lines and then the second stanza.
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wow, amazing write.the repetition (im a dreamer) then switching it between im and youre is genius. this is a really good poem.i love the word choice, "especially I'd place my hand upon your cheek I was good for you and you were good for me Yesterday has gone, tender sighs forever weep" amazing!!
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Very nicely written! I especially like the 'I'm a dreamer' repetition... we've all felt this way at one point or another....
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Very melodic...
I can hear the song playing now...Pen on, dear Poet!! 
Peace & hugs,
xx Cyn xx
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but we always want more... a pity... and the problem in most relations... I see you've studied singing... maybe a duet then someday... "Strangers in the night, doo-doo-be-doo-be..."
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12 years of hard work studying music, a vocal scholarship and a head full of lyrics - i'm a waste of precious resources - nothing more, nothing less
i wish i had the confidence to sing, i really do xx -
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well, allow me to dream- there we are, a one-time special performance of our play on Broadway, featuring us, the actual characters... and we have a duet... (and hopefully you'd drown me out, of course... lol )
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These are amazing lyrics. I really think you should become a singer!!! Or at least compose the music and sell it! Its really really good. This is amazing, it truly is. Keep up the amazing work, you put your heart and soul into your work. I really like the last line.
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thank you, friend. i would be a singer if i wasn't so shy of microphones. i hate to hear my voice recorded - it's the only reason i never followed my dreams. 12 years of studying music and even longer singing all for nothing much in the end - what a waste huh?!
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You can do it, the microphone was made to make YOU sound good. you personally haha
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i really enjoyed these lyrics. they were heartfelt and soulful, and i noticed that it had a certain flow to it. i especially liked the line, "Yesterday has gone, tender sighs forever weep" That line really made me think. The imagery is great.
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i really enjoyed this poem, i haven't read something this good in a while. my favorite lie was hearts die heavy with regrets.
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wow... what a lovely comment. thank you so much!! xx
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i ove you dee, despite my mad actions
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i love you too, you silly old goose!!
we're as bad as each other with the moods
now... who's up for dancing?
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A Fluffy Mouse
In three weeks' time, I will be eating cake,
here's a present, it's a magical rake,
whenever you twirl it around the house,
it will produce a fluffy little mouse,
now don't be frightened, for it will not bite,
in fact it will buy you a coloured kite,
and you can then sail it in the blue sky,
watch it hit clouds in their wispy white eyes.
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happy birthda ymy dear frienmd.
i did no forget. i was just busy with a mad mood.
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I enjoyed this piece very much. It moves very smoothly and has strong and touching stanza's.
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Great,
I found it that it opened the third eye, to see things as they truly are. You are amazing.
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oh.. thank you! don't know about "amazing" but i'll take the compliment anyways xx
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Awesome, i dont know which genre of music you're striving for, but i could see this being in several styles. You have an amazing hook the
"you're a boy and I'm a dreamer"
is perfect.
You got the standard song set-up going on too, at least thats how i see it and you have enough lyrics you can do whatever you want to the song. I love and think much love
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thank you for the lovely comment. aww... i'm all proud and stuff now
xx
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oh you write lyrics !
( haha, i should have guessed from your name... sloooooooow that's me)
Chinese whispers turned you deaf
To all the promises we'd made
that gave me goosebumps, stirred a personal memory.
hey this is good... would love to hear the song
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This is beautiful, I love it! Such heartfelt imagery in there.
As for the song, I can play guitar and know a thing or two about chords, see if you need any musical help, give us a a shout
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i've been meaning to msg you back, my dear english friend!! i'm so sorry - life got away from me for a while there.
feel free to use the lyrics. i'd LOVE to hear what you come up with. i have the tune floating around in my head but i prob wont ever do anything with it. i never get around to recording. too lazy i'm going to be really angry with myself when i'm old and ugly and i think about all the dreams i was too lazy to chase.
see what you can do with my song. i'm honoured you like it so much MWAH!!
dee xx
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I like the repeat... you're a boy and I'm a dreamer. It works for me. Nicely written. Thanks for sharing this one with us. I can't wait to read more of your work!
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i can almost see this as a song, but its still so much like a poem. good luck with it, its beautiful!^^
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It's easy to imagine this to music..Very good ! Keep writing! =)
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Thisn was actually not at all bad - so may I say that you should keep on writing - lyrics are quite hard things to do, so well done. indeedy yes///.
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why thank you kindly sir! i'm glad you liked it xx
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i love the word play here in the end. i'm so very glad to have found your floaty piece. well done.
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Suggestions
Your poetry as always is wonderful
Its hard not knowing the melody so feel free to disregard things i say but here goes
the lay out has the first and second verse quite long with what seems to be a short chorus in comparison. you may be repeating the refrain
"you're a boy… and I'm a dreamer"
though i understnd this dosnt make for good poetry. If not it might be worth adding the line
"cos I'm just a girl and you're a dreamer"
to the chorus after the second verse which then allows the chorus to grow untill the final rendition of it endng in bleeder.
Musically it might be interesting to have one bar of 3/4 time after each line of chorus just to punctuate it and it allows you to end the song on three strong beats. You can play with this idea, maybe do a whole middle eight in 3/4 time if your feeling adventerouse x x x x x x x -
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you are wonderful! thanks for the suggestions... and the kisses x's
you should sing me a tune again some time
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i loved it!
beginning to end....especially the bleeder part...
as the heart bleeds internally....pulses the tears
we don't want seen....or heard.....
and especially when it comes to love and dreams!
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i love the poem! well done
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I like the imagery a lot. The last line is a great touch. It would be great to hear the lyrics to music--I think that would impact the comment. Overall, seems like a great write to me.
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I love the emotion in this. It's quite well-written. The last two lines seem so sad to me.
I don't like people bleeding over someone. It's sad. I used to do it and I can't stand it anymore. It hurts others, as I've learned the hard way.
You're like me. You can write lyrics and poetry. Can you write stories also?
This is a great write by the way. You should have entered this in my Lyrics!!! contest. You would have won a trophy.
♥Dax
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The emotion that you conveyed in this piece is really striking. Alas, heartbreak is a part of life. Boys will be boys (which generally means stupid) but there's no need to bleed for them. Or anyone. Great write, and keep it up.
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Wow.
Lovely, wonderful work. Keep it up.
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"ohh, you're just a boy…
and I'm a bleeder"
Ahh the heartbreaks.. I love that line, really touches the heart
Great write and keep it up!
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Keep on penning
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Beautiful
I thought this piece was absolutely lovely.
You brought alot of raw emotion which
gave depth and dimension to this write.
I felt your heart and it made me take notice.
Great work!
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Awesome! I wish I could hear this lyrics sung out! What a composition!
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read your poem twice its really good.keep up the great use of your words
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oh, thank you so much for your lovely comment. i appreciate it xx
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i really liked your poem, great use of words,
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i need my glasses
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♪ ♫ ♪ ♫ ♪ ♫ ♪ -
i like it for you are a girl and i am a dreamer and i liked the change at the end with that. you should sing this in front of simon cowel, i am sure he will say - next please
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simon cowel is a knob. all i'd have to do is flutter my eyelids, lift my skirt and show him my tits - i'd be in for sure
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you wear a skirt that is covering your tits
is it a mini
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man you're a tard! no, i'd just keep lifting and lifting and lifting until i had it up over my head, then i'd spin around and around and around and go WEEEEEEEEEEEEE...
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i do not understand, please show me
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it would be sort of like this
but sexier and with boobs
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i've just come
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oh for goodness sake! you've gone and embarrassed yourself. clean yourself up, you dirty dirty man!!!
you should be hanging your head in shame right now
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it's okay, the cat took the brunt of it on its back i feel so relieved. empty as an empty thing that is very empty.
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ok, that is the funniest thing i've read all day and it was in the comments.
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like an empty bottle?
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ok, that is the funniest thing i've read all day and it was in the comments.
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i can see this as one of those songs that allways seem to float in your head but arent annoying. I think it's really interesting that you chose to write this in 6/8 cuz it's not very common.
READ ON!! ^_^ -
wow
this is sweetly done! it had that undeniable feel of DREAMINESS to it.. truly loved this my friend, only suggestion i have is..KEEP THE INK FLOWING!
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Gee Dee you are multi talented. Oh very good. And the dog in me was just looking at your pretty face.
Joe
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My
Many thoughts enter my head for this reminds me of past experiences . The boy. The women and the dreams. Poet I did really enjoy this write. There is much more I could say...oh those dreams come true.
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