I sit squeezing a paper cut in haphazard directions, trying to pinch the throbbing itch from beneath my skin, as the irritant mark seeps red. And yet just the other day, Saturday, to be more exact, I sliced into the tip of my middle finger while mutilating a papaya. I had found the incident rather amusing since in the split moment before the onset of pain could travel from the affliction to my brain, I had thought it peculiar that the papaya’s juice was red; red, but appetizingly appealing.
Maybe it was just the color red that had my mouth salivating and maybe it was just bad karma that contributed to my wounded middle finger. Lord knows I used that digit in its extended form countless times in the past.
Aggressive, angry, bitter: always rearing to go toe-to-toe; looking for any excuse to unleash years of pent up aggression, fly off at the handle, lose control, run my mouth, and press my luck…
…I was a loose cannon.
“Was”
However, sometimes I wonder if I was ever able to truly exorcise my demons.
Passion, love
Violence, warfare
She was the color Red
Both Cupid and the Devil
-the color of mourning on a 2,276 mi shoreline
Funny what we remember.
But back to my present situation and my cluttered cubicle desk where I sit doing everything but what I was hired for; my paper cut being my current focus. Even despite the small sliver of guilt coiling its way around my gut due to my inconvenient sense of responsibility, I still haven’t found the motivation to accomplish anything productive.
Instead, I sit contemplating the cosmos and all its unanswered questions such as: “What should I cook for dinner?” and “How did I become such an angry person?”
And like with most contemplations my brain went in nauseating circles before deciding to rehash the end fragments of last week’s argument.
“Silly emotions. Emotions are silly. Why do you think people have negative emotions?”
I pondered this for a minute while cleaning imaginary grime from beneath my fingernails, something I seem to do when I feel uncomfortable or upset, but I flatly stated,
“I believe it comes down to the basic instinct of survival”
“I don’t understand”
“People lash out at others because they don’t expect others to have their best intentions in mind.”
And then we both sat reflecting in silence.
I am not too sure where his mind went, or mine had even gone at this point, all I knew was that I was still hurt. They say depression is inverted anger and if that is the case I am one irate person.
(EDITING)
Author notes
I would have liked to spend more time on this and do something different, but I ran out of time.
A contest entry
- Rambling Comments and Rambling Writes by wbiro.
700 points, ended September 12, 2009, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
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(was having technical comment difficulties- and I thought AP only gave me trouble in experimental poem presentations)...
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I did not see this piece... I don't know how I missed it... and I came this way via the back door... well, at least you had time to edit it before I saw it...
With this title I'm expecting a personal piece during a time of personal upheaval, or from a cynical viewpoint, or at an exasperating, even depressing outcome... (and I found it was none of those, it was simple an uneventful moment at the end of an uneventful day...)
I hope you didn't use that extended digit while driving...!
your aggressive trait could be that you are a Virgo... are you a Virgo? (always critical and seeking out challenges)... no, you are a Leo, the Lion (hear you roar! ) (now how do Leo's and Virgo's officially 'get along' I wonder... I'll have to check the compatibility charts... "Leo, a fire sign ruled by the sun, and Virgo, an Earth sign ruled by the planet Mercury, come together to create fiery relationship that tends to smolder slowly at the beginning before evolving into a powerful love match." WELL...!
I googled that shoreline Michigan and Florida shorelines came up the most...
You work in a cubicle! That is FANTASTIC! Contributing to the engine of industry! The progress of mankind! The well-being and betterment of living conditions for all, via either spiritual or material support...! Congratulations! (now there's a wholesome response that is wholly lacking in our pitifully twisted day and age... and I will be the first rebel to carry its banner... being a rebel by nature...)
and don't blame yourself for being non-productive, blame your supervisor, who can blame the corporate climate, which can be blamed on the CEO, who can blame the board of directors, who are elected by the stockholders... which could be you if you own stock in the company...
Now that is what I call a female contemplating the cosmos... like, "what dress shall I wear for Saturday's dinner date"... after all, it is all a part of the cosmos, and a very important part, too...
ah, back to that 'survival' explanation as opposed to my 'reproduction' explanation for life's decisions... so you've been dwelling on that for the past... 4 years?!!!
I'd say people lash out as a precursor to reproduction...
I don't know if depression is inverted anger... I'd equate it more with exasperation...
I fancy myself bold
in all my selfless concern
when in actuality
I am a life-size ball of insecurities
and nervousness;
the type of anxiety that would be felt
if using a beehive as a piñata (and I won't mention that icky piñata)...
I can really relate to that... it is kind of schizophrenic...
(and now you have me fixed on my breathing, calculatedly...)
awe, sorry you ran out of time, I was just getting warmed-up... which reminds of a person with whom I could ramble on and on with all night... in fact, the only person to date with whom I could ramble on and on with all night... let alone 40 nights straight... until a day job cut it short...
If you wrote this for effect, you've affected... if only one person... and "do something different"... isn't that our main lament in life...
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I am sorry I ran out of time too, but it made me smile to know that I still hold a 40 night record for rambling.
and if only one person was affected then it was still worth it despite its unpolished finish. I have a very ugly past and a ugly not so distant past, but some things I don't have it in me to write about. writing sometimes makes me feel as if i am reliving the unpleasant, something i truly want to separate myself from.
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