Im sorry

I never once felt bad for you
until today,
after so long,
so much time of trying to forget you
to pick you out of my life
out of my memories
After so much damage you caused..
i never once felt sorry for you.

Until today.
Today i looked inside myself and realized
we're really the same person on different sides of the mirror
Today i realize,
that i thought way too highly of myself
and way too little of your intentions
your feelings.

I am sorry,
though i'll never tell you that..
im much too proud still
much too hurt myself
but i do feel bad for all the times
you felt abandoned because of me..
because of this situation
because of the way i acted.

I never blamed myself,
always you..
and i realize how wrong i was
how wrong i am..
I can not simply erase you from my past
you were the end, the begining,
and the everything inbetween

I am sorry for how badly i hurt you
and where my loyalties fell.

Because of me..because of all of this.
You never abandoned me,
you helped me
and i, instead turned my back on you..
when you needed me most,
when i should've tried to understand

because, i can now finally see
my imperfections, my faults,
and i wish i could tell you how sorry i am
how mistaken i was..
but im still much too proud..
because my loyalties..still lie where they do..
theres just a lot i wish you could understand
and so much i feel i should tell you