My childhood was easy with so much food on the table
but winters were harsh in the mountains, we waited for spring
to come, at last the weather would bring through nature, a smile.
In the garden, we followed instruction to the letter
my Mum would remind us about the warm loaf of bread
waiting for us and served with fresh milk in a tall glass.
When I grew up Dad began to drink and to hide his glass
behind books on the shelf, Mum seeing an empty table
could never grasp why a glass was missing near the bread
in the kitchen cupboard, she would cry in secret and spring
had little effect on her mood, she read the first letter
my Dad had written to her, all those kind lines made her smile.
Alas Dad would not leave the bottle, this destroyed her smile.
He started to lose his temper, breaking the coloured glass
of the door, the neighbours alarmed sent Mum a letter.
She read it in the morning her tears fell on the table,
she did not hear him coming and jumped like a spring.
He said "I’m leaving, but what about your daily bread?"
He stayed at the end; Mum thought "I never should have bred
two children with this man and his bottle, I’ll never smile
again", things went better that year but with each passing spring
he brought more chaos than ever, he even broke his glass
the wine spilled on the floor made a mark on the table
I and my brother had enough we left them a letter,
about the whole matter but Dad burned the letter.
Mum sobbed about the children she should not have bred
we sat down to put all our cards on the table
we wanted to go away, we gave Mum a nice smile,
said to her "we will study do not be shattered like glass"
Dad wanting peace agreed to help us, because it was spring,
it was a good time to choose, all schools request were in spring
we decided which school should receive our letter.
We left for the exams, Dad cheered with an empty glass
Mum had given us a pack lunch with cheese ham and fresh bread.
We were so scared to fail, a success would have her smile.
Soon we were there, shaking like leaf we sat at the table.
I recall the frosted glass on the door blocking warm spring
the green and shiny table my hand wrote the first letter
I wrote for my future bread and to make my parents smile.
.
Author notes
This was hard to do I hope the syllables count is all right this form is fascinating and worth the effort.
All lines have 14 syllables this meter is consistant through all the poem including the last 3 lines.
A contest entry
- Oh No! Oh YES!!! SESTINA CONTEST by SteveS.
3500 points, ended September 17, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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I was curious how you would use 'letter' throughout the poem successfully- it seems a hard word(concept) to use over and over without redundency-- but you did it! I really enjoyed this. Im impressed you used a uniform syllable count- not sure I'll achieve that...
Best wishes,
A~
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No doubt this was hard to write...on many levels. I find it touching. Good job, Poet.
Sincerely,
Camille Morin
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Powerful
Oh my what a masterful use of the from. And so many powerful memories you have expressed. Best of luck in the contest
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First...kudos for following the sequence of end words. A very sensitive memory which I really appreciate the level at which you have shared here. I do have some editorial thoughts... "she read the first letter
my Dad had written to her she felt better had a smile."....could be smoothed a bit. Perhaps "she read the first thing my Dad had written to her and this letter made her smile"
Here "Alas Dad would not leave the bottle this killed her smile."....really would be served well to have a comma after "bottle" Of course, not hard to figure that a pause should be there, however for a first read, punctuation gives the pause without the effort of thinking. Same for line 35 after "fail" as I see it. As well, I feel that the use of quotes would help lines 18 and 19 as, without, could almost seem to speak of a daughter, perhaps, and not the wife. Most of the time quotes can be left out, but with a personal write with more than two persons, it becomes paramount to avoid misdirected thoughts. Check spelling on "brook" and "shinny" Line 32.."received?" I like what you did with the envoi, the ending three lines. Powerful in their ability to have the reader feel what you felt.
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As well I replaced "this killed her smile" by "this destroyed her smile"
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Thank you so much for such an accurate comment I have done some editing, punctuation, quote, spelling, as well I have changed that sentence about "her reading the letter I had to respect the end word so decided to write this
"................she read the first letter
my Dad had written to her, all those kind lines made her smile.
I think it is much smoother this way I felt it was wrong but could not find the right line.
Hope you will find it better.
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