I am no fool,
but my lover,
is a God in exile.
My skin and bone,
becomes unstitched.
My organs fall to dust.
I see this ash,
and then I know,
I'm not which I was then.
I kiss the rain.
Hands down my chest.
I can bite the sunlight.
Which is not yours,
not web and vice.
You're the shadow of it.
Author notes
Rex: king: a male sovereign; ruler of a kingdom
I owe inspiration to this wonderful piece from a wonderful artist:
http://hibbary.deviantart.com/art/my-lover-is-a-god-in-exile-124942425
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Interesting. I like the fact that it was kept to a minimum - short and concise. I will say that I would think about changing the background. Not that there is anything necessarily wrong with it per se - but it detracts from the poem and makes it a bit hard to read. But that is certainly your prerogative as the author!
There is some delicious imagery here, the sensory development had me jumping as I read - wondering what the rain feels like as I kiss it, what the sunlight tastes of as I bite into it...divine.
Very nicely done. Thank you for sharing your work!
-BeanSidh
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i liked this,
i really enjoyed the imagery you used in this piece, particulary the rather morbid stanza "my skin and bone becomes unstitched, my organs fall to dust".
i like the flow of this poem, and the fact that it is rather short, and also, i think its very interesting that your inspiration from an artist.
good read, well done
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The penultimate line would be more correct grammatically as "neither web nor vice, but maybe that does things to the scansion - not that I was too sure what scansion was in force.
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Amazing imagery : "kiss the rain" "bite the sunlight"
Liked it alot!
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I like it .... maybe its my mood today ..... great write
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Short and concise. Full of meaning but I can't help but feeling teased as if there was a way you could keep it short, concise, full of meaning but also enhance the write itself.
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'I'm not which i was then'
Wow...what a line! *envy*
You quite like the gods theme eh?
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