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he swallowed
a hummingbird
singing of guilt
and hoped it would provide a flutter of memory to remind him of the victory-loss. secretly, he ached to yield to something harder than his shredded sense of dignity. haunted with half-reflections, every sinful thought was shrouded in her image; and closing his eyes only made it sharper.
an open cage; he wondered if destroying was as satisfying as being destroyed
so he painted birds
with red breasts
and silver beaks
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This is a draft - be as harsh as you like.
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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Special Ambush
Ah I see I running bird theme.It is too abstract for me to determine meaning. You have been hoodwinked because someone cared about you.
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Special Ambush!!
Powerful Images You have penned and this swelled the eyes
Loved how You presented this~ Very Unique but also leaves
much to savor Metaphors stun
Bravo!
Keep that quill dancing Sweet Soul
Thank You for sharing Your Voice
Best wishes in all You do~
with love & light~ Desire~*~
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Special Ambush!
the brilliance of your mind never ceases to stun me into speechless breaths and awed thoughts as imagery swoops around the spaces of my mind
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Special Ambush for Someone Special
The metaphor and imagery in this write are stunning. You write with such great depth and feeling, I find it impossible not to be moved when I read your work.
Write on dear Bandit!
You have been Ambushed today by your Poetic Bandit family because WE CARE and want to acknowledge your wonderful qualities you have brought to the Bandits in your service and leadership. I know that much of your work is invisible but I know how hard you have worked to keep the Bandits alive and well as one of the best groups on AP. I thank you from the bottom of my heart dear friend. God Bless you real good.
Brother Dennis 
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wow
profound and extremely collapisble in mind..the entire tind colapsed in so very well. I loved this one and it is indded aluck that i clicked on this one.do vist me sometimeand tell me how i write. -
some things never change, your words still move me.
I've been thinking of you lots lately, I hope your well -
SHITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT.
like holy fucking shit.
first stanza.
oh that freaking brilliant first stanza.
i'm going to marry it, yes?
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Nice background, fo sho.
Hummingbirds ... I love them. I don't know if I've ever seen one, but I love them anyways (or say I do, when in actuality, I probably just like them. Meh, I'm inclined to hyperbole; who isn't?)
Anyways, "singing of guilt" just feels really clever in relation to any bird.
"if destroying was as satisfying as being destroyed"
S&M vibe.
"so he painted birds
with red breasts
and silver beaks"
This is subtle and open to interpretation (which is code for, I'm not entirely sure how you, the [great] poet want me to feel, but I know what I do, and that's good enough for me). This is in fact, my favorite part of the entire thing.
I miss you in the least creepy way possible (which is what you usually say to me)
;
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I love it, and I'm sooooo sad the collab didn't work out...
I have no idea what happened to the rest of the group, but alveolus has said that we can submit hat we have and she'll change our groups for the next round.
Your opening-stanza is lovely, and I really liked your use of colour at the end too. We should totally collab sometime, though... Did you ever read my edited-version? I posted it to the contest as a separate entry... warning: the title sucks, but it was all I could think of.
Bravissima!
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love the opening and the ending. perfect.
the second stanza was a little heavy for me but then i talk in monosyllables. so i'm sure it's me.
but once again, amazing opening .
and love the image in the last stanza.
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I loved this! Imagery was amazing! It was sorrowful, but beautiful.
Write on.
~*~SP~*~
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You have not written in awhile, huh? I almost forgot I added you. I remember why I did now. No need to be harsh. This reads great as is.
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