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Hot Coffee

Delicate, eloquent, prime, and clean
she sits in her faux antique chair,
the one she sits in every morning
hoping someone will notice her.

Picking at a poppy seed muffin
with long freshly painted nails,
she contemplates the calories contained
in every single little bite she takes.

Watching the people move beyond
three hundred dollar sunglasses,
she mocks their dollar store clothing
and overly empathetic demeanor.

Lifting her steaming coffee she wonders
what would happen if she spilled it,
would everyone come running to help
like they do on the daytime TV shows she loves?

Flipping  another page in her magazine
she fawns over the happy, skinny, blonds,
and wonders what it is she is doing wrong
what is keeping her from being happy?

Dropping the scolding coffee in her lap
she feels her skin begin to burn and blister
no one runs to help the lonely young women
who sits alone each day in the diner.

Author notes

I've had this poem, to varying degrees, stuck in my head since mid march and was finally able to write it down. Its not as good as I'd like it to be and I would greatly appreciate any constructive critique on the piece. Thank You.

A contest entry

What do you think?

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments


  • trekkergirl
    September 24

    Edit | Reply
    I liked this one... because it seems to be written from experience. I mean it. I know what loneliness is. I have experienced it in my lifetime... for a very long time.

    It is something that I do not necessarily want to ever experience again...

    and yet, my thoughts is this: I will feel it again.

    I can relate to this...

    Thanks for sharing this with us. And thanks for entering it into this contest.


  • PatheticKt
    September 3

    Edit | Reply
    I like this write- descriptive in every moment and the persona's thoughts were dictated beautifully
    I could see the story behind this but maybe it shouldn't be too subtle. What I could see is a great scene playing out, almost like a in-depth vignette; I don't know what else to point out but I do admire this great piece of yours