Bottle after bottle,
the drinks get a little steeper.
A little more, a little more,
as the brain gets weaker.
Cold steel held close
cuts a palm as it is.
Wipe the door, hit the floor,
flood the brain with the fizz.
Sirens wail, people snail,
a life ebbs with the tide.
Pull her in, she can't swim,
I wonder who cares that she's died?
She can't see. Now she sees
how people truly are.
They make her sad, a little sick,
but happy that God's not what they are.
From the get go she knew they were going to get burned.
She knew people would attempt to destroy what they earned.
Dark crescents manifest
on skin so pale.
A loving art once hidden
on her body so frail.
Bruised lips tell tales
of her times once spent
with a love so strong;
a gentle giant now bereft.
A love that never wanted
her to end like this.
But all she ever wanted
was a little carefree bliss.
Author notes
Oh, to live in a world where we would not be judged.
This is very close to me. It was at a time during which a parent of mine (and the parent's fellow people) began to show strong distaste towards a dear friend of mine (my counterpartner-in-crime) over things that shouldn't be held in consideration anymore, if at all.
Begin Rant:
It's also expressing some frustration over why and how people stare at me and my dear friend as we walk together. I suppose people see us and think, "Oh, an Indian walking with a Black man, how strange." Or, "A Hispanic with a Black man, how strange." Or even better, "Okayyy... WEIRD." (We've heard this one said to our faces and took it as a compliment, actually. As well as insulted her for not minding her own business.)
All the while, general people are oblivious to the fact that we're from similar cultures, albeit our respective heritages are from different countries. And even then, some of the lighter skinned people in my culture innately feel that they're better, despite not being belligerent about it. It's present in the small things that they do, in the small observations that they make when talking to their loved ones.
And it sickens me in a way that you can't imagine.
End Rant.
Yes, the poem does not necessarily revolve around all of this, but it's from these feelings that the fuel for the poem sprang from. Comment/Judge as you see fit.
A contest entry
- Please This Dark Mind of Mine by FinalWhisper.
700 points, ended September 23, 55 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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Amazing. Just beautiful. I love the flow to it, the feeling, the bottled up emotion that seems to just want to burst out. And it strikes a cord with me, as I honestly think it could with everyone. Great job.
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Beautiful and Inspiring
This a thought inspiring piece even if you leave out the author comment! I very much enjoyed and was dismayed reading this piece. It is filled with strong feeling that no reader can deny and at the same time delivers several powerful messages to my mind.
On top of that, it flows well for the most part though I have mixed feeling about those two longest stand alone lines-not that they really deterred much from the quality of the work for it didn't slow my reading down any, so captured was I from the start.
Really, I was only going to give this two applause even as good as it is but then I read it a couple more times and just seems to speak to my soul in a way few poems can-and I must say this piece may just have found a rare spot in my heart. I love how important this work means to you and it just adds to the overall power of it!
Thank you for submitting this to my contest and I hope to see more of your works in future contests of mine!
Truly and Darkly,
Dirk
P.S.
My favorite part:
Sirens wail, people snail,
a life ebbs with the tide.
Pull her in, she can't swim,
I wonder who cares that she's died?
Draws forth emotion and flows excellently!
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I loves it, the poems seems to flow and rhyme so effortlessly. You make poetry look both easy and beautiful.
As for the rant at the end, you're completely right. People should be allowed to be friends with whoever they like, skin color has no bearing whatsoever on how people act and how much of a person they are. I think you and your friend were mature to take someone elses bigotry as lightly as you did. I hope you guys stay that close forever.
This awesome poem I rate as such:
10/10,
five stars,
three claps
and one big hug from me!
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