Love is all we strive for
morphing it into twisted ideals.
We laugh, bat lashes,
pour our histories out as gifts.
Buy tokens and suprises,
One more view of that luminous smile.
Tick
Racing hearts and holding hands,
Do i look okay?
We kiss, wrinkle sheets,
Throw away our clothes for eachother.
Spend nights and days,
In bed with that luminous smile.
Tock
Palpatations, apprehension.
Desperatly searching for a misplaced spark.
We fight, Make up,
Barely hold back tears,pasting on smiles
Doubting what comes next
Surely not the last view of that luminous smile.
Tick
Twisted ideals we now question.
Work and hardship, are love?
Bipolar rollercoster of events we share,
Biding our time for the track to climb.
Spent weeks wondering
Will we go back to the days of the luminous smile.
So, what do you think!?
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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i love this piece,
The descriptions of love in this poem really hit the nail on the head,
theyre so vivid and unidealistic, not only do you show us how love can be so exquisite and wonderful, you also show us its tenuous side, and how sometimes, no matter how much you want it to, it just doesnt work out.
i really related to this piece ciara, well done =]
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I can't judge, but..
Since this poem is about something that really isn't my scene, I can't really relate to it. However, I did think that it summarises the 'love' concept very accurately. I will praise you on how well it is penned, the omnious countdown creates a befiting athmosphere, as if waiting for a storm. Liked how you introduced an element of self conciousness and worry in the second stanza while immitating the light of the first - this allows for very smooth transitions (regards view-points) throughout the poem.
As for the language - materialistic as always, but subtle in this poem. In a way - because I can't value it (with my idealistic tendency for images/words) - should increase the value of the poem in your eyes, since you have a taste for mild modernistic concepts. Reminds me a little bit of a poem by Adrianne Rich, which deals with a similar theme but with extreme emphasis on feminism.
P.S. "Luminous smile" strikes a chord
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Makes me think..think about my own current relationship. I feel as though I relate, and that makes me like this even moreso than I would without the ties.
Either way, I really liked this. <3
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LOVE IT. enough yet? didnt think so... this is great! i like how each stanza is a different time period, and how in between you had the tick tock tick thing going, reminds me of something i did with one of my own poems
good work! thanks for sharing
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time for more??
fabulous structure and imagery. like the clock ticking throughout the poem and the progression from first love through to tortured and tied indifference. you have a gift for perfect imagery - my favorite lines: "pour our histories out as gifts.
Buy tokens and suprises," how true!!
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There's a really good flow in this piece, i love the line "biding our time for the track to climb", works really well. Your imagery is vivid and etheral and all fits onto the same palette, conrats anoter brilliantly penned piece!
PS: I'M HOME <3
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I like the way you use words. It's art.
Bipolar rollercoster, Been there for sure. I love the use of luminous smile. It's gorgeous.
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i love how you had the ticks or tocks in between each stanza. very creative, great write
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