I'm here alone the lights are dim
The midnight train is late again
The tunnel shivers, old and sore
My tears are falling to the floor
I heard a footstep, echos sound
I quickly turn my head around
The shadows hide his face and limbs
Who is this man that hides in sin?
I see him, I loved him once before
but you see, as for now, I do not anymore
He came looking worried, an eere approach
I stood feeling scared, like a girl to be poached
His arms wrap around me, too tough and too strong
His face creeping closer says "baby what's wrong"
"It nothing it's nothing" I don't want to tell
him of the emotions I'm feeling so well
"Well I'll make you happy, just come back to me"
but i know that i'm sure i don't want us to be
I push him away, and his magnetic spell
I know that he's hurt, but he's bringing me hell
"I no longer love you" i whip him with strife
I pull out my words and he pulls out a knife
My neck slicing open, the blood running thick
Numbness takes over, I die fairly quick
One last time he holds me, he hunted a fawn
He lays me in blood, and then he is gone
Soon they will find me, dead on the floor
Once, I was alive, but I'm not anymore
Author notes
thats about it, she is sad because she's fallen in love with someone who doesn't seem to love her back, he exboyfriend comes and wants her to come back to him, she refuses, he kills her.
A contest entry
- 100 mystery prompts ... come see by Nakatrea.
1500 points, ended October 4, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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soixante-neuf
JUDGED!!!!!!!
rubric--
Rules: 1/2
Prompt: .5/1
Spelling/Grammar: 2/4
Organization/Visibility: 2/3
Creativity: 4/5
WOW factor: 6.5/10
TOTAL: 16
No rhyme was a stated rule. I also asked for the prompts to be placed in the author's notes. Stanza's would have benefited the piece very much as would proper capitalization and punctuation.
To be more positive....
I appreciate that you wanted to use the whole tunnel vision series. I would have liked to have seen it interpreted in a more metaphorical sense. Your literal description was quite well done as it is.
"The tunnel shivers, old and sore"
what a great line! that is great use of imagery.
Thanks a lot for entering and for your patience
Kat -
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can i use the whole tunnel vision series?
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sure
just post the link to the first one and mention that you used a series
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