in the eyes of the lost and alone
evil is shown all to clearly and most condone
such horrific things shown so clear
their reflection shown on the face of the girl in the down falling tear
she sees what is about to happen to her, calculated and cold
though this is what her memory will hold
was isolated in a room deep below
so tired and weak her movements so slow
here comes the crow going by as she dies
her soul whisked away with the crow as he flies
the crow and her soul in twine
either heaven or hell tonight she will dine
her mind plays back through that horrific day
when her soul got whisked away
he took her from her nice warm bed
only to be tortured then dead
tries to fight but what can she do
later that day she turns a blueish hue
blood pooled in the lowest part of the room
not seeing her death her impending doom
flowing through the unopened door
to slide through the slots in the floor
drip, drip, drip, drop
blood drops on and investigating cop
looking up another falls in his eye
knowing up there is where some one will die
"help back up is in need"
his voice heard here comes the man who did the deed
coming quick unable to move, unable to speak
the man knocks him out, drags him as the floor starts to creak
"now your awake with a sigh
i will sing you your last lullaby
within 20 minutes you will be with her
you'll be dead on the floor for sure
now this is what i will do
i want to put on a show for you
now you see the girl on the floor?
with her blood pooling through the door?
you see that is my way of getting you here
with her death and her fear
i will now proceed to hang you up
and watch your blood drip in a cup
don't you see what i am? cant you see?
i am something that always runs free
in the dark of the night i will be there
whisk you away with out a care
i am the creature of the night
and this is why you cant put up a fight
you see i am a vampire
and not only do i kill for the thrill of it but for hire
well i do enjoy what i do
also how i am going to kill you
i am going to drink your blood
then throw your body in the mud
see hers isn't worth my time
just to kill her was fun, probably a crime
i smiled as i laid her to rest
but yours is one of the best"
he sits and watches with an evil grin
listening to blood drip in the tin
drop, drop, drop, drip
blood pouring through the brand new rip
his vision fades and starts to turn black
here he will die there's no turning back
life is but something to hold
this is where his body turns cold
along with the cold blue tear
this is the last thing he will here
"so this is your dying breath
before you slip away to death
go ahead and call out
no one will hear you will die with doubt
as i turn this lonely lock
i will rip your throat and you will go into shock
this is your chance to speak your last
better hurry speak fast"
"if this is my last to say
i hope you see the light of day
your ways are evil dark and cruel
you used her like a tool
before i go i will tell you why
i want you to drink and slowly die"
he tears through the softened flesh
throws his body on the floor their blood will mesh
this is how it usually goes
see their cold blueish toes
evil is shown all to clearly and most condone
such horrific things shown so clear
their reflection shown on the face of the girl in the down falling tear
she sees what is about to happen to her, calculated and cold
though this is what her memory will hold
was isolated in a room deep below
so tired and weak her movements so slow
here comes the crow going by as she dies
her soul whisked away with the crow as he flies
the crow and her soul in twine
either heaven or hell tonight she will dine
her mind plays back through that horrific day
when her soul got whisked away
he took her from her nice warm bed
only to be tortured then dead
tries to fight but what can she do
later that day she turns a blueish hue
blood pooled in the lowest part of the room
not seeing her death her impending doom
flowing through the unopened door
to slide through the slots in the floor
drip, drip, drip, drop
blood drops on and investigating cop
looking up another falls in his eye
knowing up there is where some one will die
"help back up is in need"
his voice heard here comes the man who did the deed
coming quick unable to move, unable to speak
the man knocks him out, drags him as the floor starts to creak
"now your awake with a sigh
i will sing you your last lullaby
within 20 minutes you will be with her
you'll be dead on the floor for sure
now this is what i will do
i want to put on a show for you
now you see the girl on the floor?
with her blood pooling through the door?
you see that is my way of getting you here
with her death and her fear
i will now proceed to hang you up
and watch your blood drip in a cup
don't you see what i am? cant you see?
i am something that always runs free
in the dark of the night i will be there
whisk you away with out a care
i am the creature of the night
and this is why you cant put up a fight
you see i am a vampire
and not only do i kill for the thrill of it but for hire
well i do enjoy what i do
also how i am going to kill you
i am going to drink your blood
then throw your body in the mud
see hers isn't worth my time
just to kill her was fun, probably a crime
i smiled as i laid her to rest
but yours is one of the best"
he sits and watches with an evil grin
listening to blood drip in the tin
drop, drop, drop, drip
blood pouring through the brand new rip
his vision fades and starts to turn black
here he will die there's no turning back
life is but something to hold
this is where his body turns cold
along with the cold blue tear
this is the last thing he will here
"so this is your dying breath
before you slip away to death
go ahead and call out
no one will hear you will die with doubt
as i turn this lonely lock
i will rip your throat and you will go into shock
this is your chance to speak your last
better hurry speak fast"
"if this is my last to say
i hope you see the light of day
your ways are evil dark and cruel
you used her like a tool
before i go i will tell you why
i want you to drink and slowly die"
he tears through the softened flesh
throws his body on the floor their blood will mesh
this is how it usually goes
see their cold blueish toes
Author notes
tell me what you think this what my dreams consist of lately
- Suicide Support and Poetry group list • next in list
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
For this category, I would not be the best in critiquing.

And for dreams, ...yikes. I see so many metaphors.
However, I can see that you are good at this subject matter and the reader
sees the dreamscape that spirals,with the very good visuals that accompany it.
Since the poem is so long, may I suggest you divide it into portions and
Roman numeral each one as a saga.
This will embody it with the narrative
you well describe.
Otherwise, I see that you know what you are doing. Thank you for sharing it!
In effort and execution, as from me...
-
Chiquita
This is the closest thing to a vampire RAP that I've ever read. I'm probably too old to really appreciate it fully but what I do, I like! That was a lot of work!
Good job...drip...
drip...
drip...
...drop!
John




