The day has gone dark and cold,
things gone wrong and out of control.
What was said had to be said,
there's no point in crying to bed.
I wish there was another way,
I'm just glad time is on my side.
These feelings and emotions will soon die.
What did you think
Comments
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Nice piece, but its very bland. There is emotion in the piece but all the emotion is yours. Take what you are feeling and show it to the reader. Try to re-look at the piece and answer the blank spots in the story. "How are things out of control? What was said? what are the feelings and emotions?" When you give a concrete look at this and let the reader in on the details, it will give the piece a greater effect on those of us trying to read into the life of the speaker.
I like the first two lines, even though slightly cliche, they are an instant grab for attention because of the universal aspect they hold.
*Awkward wording in line 3 by the way. "crying in bed" just didn't seem to roll with the rest of the piece. -
This isn't about... THAT day is it?
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