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[ Time that passes beyond the open door, ]

Time that passes beyond the open door,
Stop!            Please stay a while.
Enjoy this sweet moment
              as a rare delicacy.
      a delicious flavor of hookah
and tobacco death.

I prefer life as a sparkler
than to a candle. So,
out I go.

What should I change?

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments


  • written-in-ink
    September 27

    Edit | Reply
    mmm
    yes
    i like I prefer life as a sparkler
    than to a candle.


    but after that nothing is ness.


  • Minam
    August 31

    Edit | Reply
    haha! SWEET. "i prefer life as a sparkler; than to a candle anyway." brilliant way to sum up the poem, loved it.