Valiant battle and a horse of white
really it's just another war
This is how i see it
Speaking sullen and being born again
The world is a simple lie
The inside is ruin
not under control
A battle against the king!
The tide brings it in
to clean up the sin of man
they say that's the only thing that's right
feeling torn by the way it is
The water has it's boil
the hands have the beauty
sip the sweet of the vine
nothing makes sense
and neither do I.
A contest entry
- Quickie Quickly 2 ------ points for everyone!!!!!!! by LisaRowe.
800 points, ended August 31, 8 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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This is a great poem. It really brings the picture to life. It's very descriptive and moving in a way. Nice work.
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I confess initial difficulty reconciling your interpretation with the photo. Now I'm wondering; is her head and torso the front of a horse; the pale dress the rest of the white horse of the battle? Her posture of rejection, a reflection of global confusion? That 'sin', 'ruin' and 'battle against the king', for instance, are images along spiritual lines?
If so, I feel the second line, about it being 'just another battle', deflects from the gravity that such a battle would pose, and also affect the framing of the last line. I guess I'm searching for something more integrated about this conflict engaged for 'control'. Your line 'sip the sweet of the vine' is one I like much. Although there are only two punctuations, I had no problem with rhythm. So, fine effort.
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lovely
love the picture it's beautiful, the poem is a take i wouldn't have though of, good for you. i like the direction of it.
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