Father, I must drive
Push through the night
Return to the land
My hands are browner now
Adult, competent, fated,
and my little boy laugh is
the headline. My scamper,
My giggle with bow legs
another memory kept -
- heartsick and heavy
Too close to call, you...
up, and apologize, I do
For the way I fear
the work of an honest man
Followed you, I did, past
the high ground and
the composite of death
Into the belly of a bleached
whale's skeleton, smack -
- dab in the middle
of heaven.
Author notes
Written April 2nd, 2004
In a list
A contest entry
- Imagists by Sincerely.
300 points, ended September 5, 2006, 4 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Fathers... Let it all out by xXGoddessofPainXx.
420 points, ended June 10, 2007, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 41 of 41
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Hey thnx for entering not the topic i asked for really but thnx anyways
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I don't know about this one. I love it, absolutely bow at its poetic genius, but at the same time I'm torn because I'm not sure that it fits. It's a lot more not imagist than it is imagist. There are some marvelous pictures--that of growing up through the browning of hands, that of death, but at the same time, it's almost a soul search before death, something mostly transcendentalist by nature (laughing at my pun. nature. giggle.)with the whole inner light of discovery thing. I just don't know how to judge this one. It is outside of my skill level. You're awesome
Much Love. -
“True wisdom is less presuming than folly. The wise man doubteth often, and changeth his mind; the fool is obstinate, and doubteth not; he knoweth all things but his own ignorance.”
This piece has swayed may view towards the great writer side once again. It reflects my Child in a Box series. Truly I have been humbled. Thank you for sharing.
Dan -
I like it, good write
I had a hard time pinpointing, what you are saying, I read your
poem another time, and I think I get it, you take after your father,
being a good man, the little boy that you once where has grown
into a man, and you are sorry for all you have done wrong. Over all
I like it.
Keep writing, this is good
Good luck in the contest.
Kisses; Sue
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allthough you are are obviously completley ego-centric, spout off outdated mythologies on your bio, use obcenetites till they lose all meanings, (and I meant all that in the best way possible) you can deffinetly write a very fine poem. It was smoothe, rithmatic, and nostalgic without drifting twords melodrama like so many of my attempts. Good luck, and I hope any books you publish become meet with good reviews a lots of royalties,
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Was just curious to know what you had latest. You are definitely my favourite AP writer, and this one is amazing. I like the title more though. I always believe that a good title makes up a good poem.
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very good.my second serving of your poetry.am completely,as you said,Spuned!hehe.this is heartbreaking in it's nostalgia of evrything that was past and can never be recovered.i loved this.
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thanks, perhaps I will.
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You should enter this in the Allwrite contest this month. It is powerful in the sense that it seems to take account of things, the way we do as we get older, and the desire to change the past, or revisit it. The ache for lost time. I sense a lot of longing in this.
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Some things come across so clearly as art and give others something to aspire to. Such an amazing, admirable read. Even the title itself seems to pull the readers in to find what will follow and how it will end.
Indeed a sterling piece. This reminds of me of why to not push when writer's block hits versus putting out marginal items. -
Poetry of a man, of a boy
Ah, living up to your reputation I see. You managed to sound like both an adult and a child in this piece. How, I haven’t quite figured out. I’m not sure if it was a certain word, certain spacing, or certain arrangement of thoughts, but whatever it is, it works. There is something about the journey of the poem, the journey of the boy, and the journey of the man that pulls us through the past, up to the present, and pushes us out into the future. The end of the poem is not the end of the story.
“[…] and apologize, I do
For the way I fear
The work of an honest man”
That part struck me hardest of all. And somehow I feel it embodies the emotion of the poem.
Very nice.
~Rose
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god this poem really gets to me grabs my insides and squeezes them
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i like this. you have so many ideas in this, and, it's like i have to read certain lines again, to see those ideas.
you have to admit, sometimes in person is harder than using the telephone, even if they can still hear you sniffling.
N... -
I have a sudden urge to imitate my English teacher and probably read way too far into things - in that I think the poem is shaped like a path or a highway and is therefore a visual metaphor or something along those lines
Anyway, I liked how you used descriptive language and imagery that focused on smallish details, because it personalises the poem and hints at the other things around the details. The use of first person and direct address also personalises the poem and serves to better engage readers. Of course you know all this, I'm just noting things so I sound somewhat intelligent
(Is it working?)
I sense nostalgia and reminiscence. Is reminiscence a word?
I apologise, I'm starting to ramble. I'll finish up here
Nice write.
Cheers,
~Tal~ -
Cool
It's hard to pinpoint what I like about this. I just like the sound of the words and the rhythm more than anything else. Strong images. Something that connects. Hmmm... I shall read more. -
I don't know, sounded good at the time.
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It's a little difficult to understand but is very good.yes and very evocative. Keep up your work. I just wish you had some more explanatory notes in the Author's comments section.
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I had to read this a couple of times before I got a clear picture of what you were saying (and I'm still not sure I get it completely)... Anyway, I love the description of yourself as a child. The whole thing's good, but that part especially speaks to me.
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bah, I hate you... why can't I be that good... goes off to pout
PS... why did you tell Ann that you have a crush on me in the CB? -
Excellent metaphor and motion. The write moves right from the first line until the punch at the end.. The description is very clear and precise and it carries off a complex image well..
Good luck..
~~whims -
You can't leave the past, or who you are or once were, unless you have fully dealt with all you needed to.
Last five lines were my favorite.
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Here, I perceive you looking back in time, you seem to have your childhood weighed up as you look back, you acknowledge with candour the fact that you had to grow up perhaps with a father's judgemental eye. You came good though in all ways I would hazard a guess.... In your last few lines, I see you laughing, tongue in cheek so to speak... a good write. ~Katie~
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You've got so many cliches in here, worked out _your_ way... which is really cool, and the only foriveable way to use cliches in poems... I really like this one. It's got a very personal feel to it (or maybe I just feel that way because I went through something similar to this with my father when I was... oh, about eighteen. You know, back when I knew everything). Either way, I really connected with it.
I love the lines:
Too close to call, you.
Up, and apologize
~ The use of punctuation as visual pauses (because we do mentally pause when reading a period or comma) is fantastic. Three complete thoughts/phrases, with only one word added to completely change the direction of the thought. Fantastic. -
Very well written. Freeverse seems plenty on here, but so few have grasped the proper way to write it like you have.
Loved the darkness of this. The image I got was of a failed son to his father, trying to prove himself in anyway possible.
(Probably not what you had in mind, but still, a picture of somekind is better than none at all).
Great stuff.
I thought seeing as this was promoted, I'd write a decent comment (not that I don't try to anyway). So annoying when you waste your points only to have dumbasses click on 4 of them in one go without a comment.
GRrrrr I'm a bear
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No, but he gave me 20 points.
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intresting. Did you win?
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Very literary. Almost like a coming-of-age-novel that's actually interesting, and packed into a poem. Cool.
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*melts*
no winking or you'll have to mop me up!
N... -
Your words are more evocative for me than denotive. If you don't understand that, don't feel bad, I'm not sure that I do either. I guess, in other words, this write calls up feelings that "lie too deep for words" thanks, Wordsworth. We are all little bow-legged kids inside trucking around in this deficient machine projecting it's careful lies. In short, I love this.
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now that nursechilly mentioned it, i do have images of james dean in my head...yep...just read it again and can see him as clear as day. that being said, don't crash, ok?
~liz
p.s. absolutely brilliant poem -
Reminds me of than slim jim Mr J. Dean in Giant.. classic here kiddo ..your auntie likes it
~GILL~xxx -
Aah the returning home.
brings back alot of memories.
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Drive Faster
No matter how far you run, you are what you are. Embrace it.
Nice imagery. Whale of a tale. -
perhaps i should not, but i view this write as terribly sad. probably just my mood.
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Excellent writing here,
I enjoyed this very much!!
Thank you for entering!!
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Never saw that movie. Lol... wink
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good
awesome! there is just something so unique about it, its just great. Deffinitly not something i read very day and i like that. it reminds be of like when your dreaming and you see all these ubsurb(sorry cant spell) things and then right we you start to figure it out another image pops up and the scenary keeps changing...lol i dont know why but thats how i see it. keep up the good work
-Amanda -
this drove me to tears...powerful and absolutely delightful read..well done.
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if i haven't told you lately, i love your brain as well as your heart and i don't give a shit who reads this and what they think...
thank god it is friday...clink. i'm cheering you with
my beer...
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This is an awesome poem!
I really like it... there's something about it that makes me want to read more. But there isn't so you kind of get upset... yet it is perfict in it's one simplicity. Well done.
God Bless you,
Jenna -
reminds me, if you've ever seen the movie "The Doors", of when they're driving in the desert and they see the dead bodies.
im not sure why, but that's what it makes me think of.
N...
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