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Empty package...



Today I realized
I was the fool to believe
The puppet on your string
dancing up and down…
Believing this was real
Too blind to think clear
too deaf to see it coming
Until it reached me
into a big package
wrapped with a ribbon
once of soft silk,
and love dancing in words
bookmarked with gold-leaf


Now only a rope
and the notes within
were much alike
I once promised myself
to never unpack again
a brilliant shaped parcel
How comes today
I’m holding it in my hands
unwrapped and empty as back than…?

 

 

 

Author notes

sad and just feeling empty...

A contest entry

empty...

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 17 of 17

  • Pure Thought silver member
    October 3
    Edit | Reply
    Well painted feelings, or lack of feelings. I get this way all to often, with no reason.


  • Kikyo Minamino
    September 17

    Edit | Reply

    OKay

    Although it has 19 lines instead of 20 I will consider it for the entry in the contest. If you do want to change it and make it longer please do so and then let me know. I hope to hear more from you in the future!


  • sgking123
    September 10

    Edit | Reply

    wow

    I liked this one..You did express sadness so beautifully and was so happy to read this poem start to end that it freshened my day.I am dding you as favorite. I have been looking for a fellow poet from Netherlands to be a fav for long..by luck I chanced upon you.BTW I have some fresh poetry on my page..pls visit it and may be comment it.


    • Wolf Mistress silver member
      September 10
      Edit | Reply
      Thnxs for your nice words and the fav add...
      I will come by to read some of yours some day very soon....

      xxJeannette

  • groovy afternoon
    September 7

    Edit | Reply
    I like this poem J, I like how you express yourself here. The poem starts of slow like a dawning knowledge and then it picks up momentum quickly. I would have to say painful truths, some you cannot run away from, and it hurts like hell. What do you do with such once you realize this is how it is? A most thoughtful piece indeed. Congratulations on the trophy J, you earned it well with this well constructed piece.


  • Debbie Hansman
    September 4

    Edit | Reply
    Such feelings felt within myself as I read...been there...such saddness in this...it tore at my heart. Well written I must say.

    I haven't been on a whole alot lately....I've missed it. Especially reading your writes.

    miss ya!

    debbie


  • Vernal Bloom
    September 2
    Edit | Reply
    Congrasts


  • Ethereal One gold member
    August 31

    Edit | Reply

    so sad

    You have expressed such sad emotions in this poem. Believing can get the best of us, but we cannot help how we are wired. I would rather be a believer than someone who questions every little thing.
    You have created some very powerful images and emotions for the reader and I wish you Good Luck in this contest!!

    Jeannette


  • Vernal Bloom
    August 30

    Edit | Reply
    Dear friend, like Tasha I hope this is just an entry for a contest and you are not feeling this way in life though it is hard to believe you don't have feeling about something and you pen it in this strong way. The poem itself was just so good, rich in feeling and images. for sharing it with us and good luck in the contest

    ~Massy~


  • Poetic Tasha Moderators member
    August 30

    Edit | Reply
    I hope this was just for the contest??? Is everything ok?
    it's a brilliantly sad write but I hope you don't really feel empty!!!
    only 115 days till I am close enough to visit again!

    good luck in this contest dear friend

    Tasha


  • DarkHunter
    August 30

    Edit | Reply
    This is a deep and sad write. Best of luck in the contest.


  • Wyakin
    August 30

    Edit | Reply
    Aw. This was sweet and sad at the same time.

    "The puppet on your string
    dancing up and down…
    believing this was real"
    It's funny how something you thought was so great could actually just lead to sadness. The only mistakes I saw were the "to's" in To blind to think clear to deaf to hear it coming. It would be "Too" instead of "To". But other than that this was wonderful and I did enjoy this. Best of luck,
    Wyakin

    • Wolf Mistress silver member
      September 1
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you so much for the Silver


    • Wolf Mistress silver member
      August 30
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you for pointing out..I changed the to's immediatly...
      sometimes I am just too Dutch..
      that never seems to change..


  • Wandering Woman gold member
    August 30

    Edit | Reply

    Nicely written

    You conveyed such emotion, emptiness and realization that things had not changed, well penned!

1 - 17 of 17