It's like I'm dying,
wrapped up in your lies
and your twisted words.
I can't even glance at
mirrors because it hurts
to look at my bruised
eyes and swollen lips.
There's a black-out in
the city and I'm falling
in the gutter outside
my motel room.
I don't care anymore.
I'm falling and it hurts, it really
does but I just can't seem to
escape from the cobweb I'm
tangled in.
Hand me the scissors because
I'm going to cut my way out
of this mess you've put me in.
Then again, maybe it was all
my fault.
I've been riding the same
ferris-wheel over
and over again.
I need to get off this ride.
I want to be Alice in
Wonderland and have a rabbit
to lead the way
where I need to go.
Hand me that lantern please,
it's getting dark outside.
Author notes
option-nine words: bruised, black-out, gutter, motel, cobweb, scissors, ferris-wheel, rabbit, lantern.
A contest entry
- there's gonna be a knife fight in china town. by bird-mad girl.
1750 points, ended September 8, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
-
this piece was really jagged. all of the stanzas were really random when strung together, it felt like most of them were written just to fit around the words in the bank instead of the opposite. I didn't feel like there was much structure to this piece because the stanzas didn't keep up with each other.
example, the first two stanzas actually did go together and then the third one jumps to a black out and stumbling into the gutter. I just don't see the connection.
you have stanzas that go together, like the being tangled in cobwebs and wanting scissors to cut your way out and then there's a ferris-wheel. I think you might need some stanzas in between because you've got something to work with it just feels highly unfinished.
thank you for entering.
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