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~The Horrifying End~ (Etheree)


Pleas
hush the
blackish night
as laments sound
echoes. Dying depths
write down a final will
of unspeakable horror
and unimaginable fear.
Creeping slowly, silently to them
from the heart of a blue, bottomless sea.

Hands stealth, wickedly to grab them deep down
into the infinite; no escape.
The silence swallows voices, hush!!
Peace falls, false and deceiving,
waves stop their lullaby
singing, sleep tiptoes
into dead eyes.
Dreams begin.
Rest numb
now.










(C)Noor 8/30/2009

Author notes

Contest prompt:
"an abandoned ship sways in the waves of a sea, without destination
Why? What happened? What does it mean?"

Form used: Etheree(1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10-10,9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2,1) Syllables count.

Picture credit: http://rosabella.deviantart.com/art/Haunted-boat-24033451

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Not my best write but I wanted to try a new form of poetry.


Thanks for reading!

In a list

A contest entry

Any suggestions for improvement?

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 5 of 5

  • feltfountain
    September 4

    Edit | Reply
    before noticing the title i read the poem (i was just clicking next on your items) and i thought to myself... this sounds horrifying... and then i scroll up and see your title. i'd have to say, perfect title!

    I liked the format. Very cool.


  • Ken-Maverick
    August 31

    Edit | Reply
    *Boo*
    chillingly shaweet!!


  • bachelorette silver member
    August 30
    Edit | Reply
    Btw, awesome picture; I had to go +fav it.

  • bachelorette silver member
    August 30

    Edit | Reply
    echos --> echoes/I think lines 17, 19, and 20 need end punctuation
    I think this is an amazing job for your first etheree! It's amazingly vivid with wonderful words that set a terrifying scene. It's fluid and chockful of imagery and delicious sounds. My only suggestion is for line eleven; "those are weak" continuously throws me off. Other than that, I think this is superb! Thank you for entering and for trying a new form. thelordreigns teaches an Etheree class here: Etheree Experiments. I greatly enjoyed the class.
    -K


    • Hikari Lady
      August 31
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you.
      I'll keep editing this poem until it becomes better and I shall take the class, it sounds so much fun.

      ~Noor

1 - 5 of 5