A rose in the high garden you desire,
Unattainable, perhaps, but you savor the quest.
Mountain paths rise beneath your feet
Though air grows thin, you stop to take no rest.
A wheel in the pure syntax of steel
Moves you ever forward, delights
Your eye with silver satin thread,
To bow, to bend, to hold itself fast.
The mountain stripped bare of Impressionist fog
Shows clear the way to seek the garden's rose.
Sun-bathed, it blooms, ever more a goad,
Until dusk shrouds its colors for this night,
The grays watching over the last balustrades.
Author notes
This poem is a glosa on the following verse of Federico Garcia Lorca's poem, "Ode to Salvador Dali."
A rose in the high garden you desire.
A wheel in the pure syntax of steel.
The mountain stripped bare of Impressionist fog,
The grays watching over the last balustrades.
A contest entry
- Come Glosa (using Federico Garcia Lorca's Ode to Salvador Dali) by ea.
400 points, ended September 9, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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The fourth line of the first stanza reads very awkward, almost like a oxymoron. I would suggest, 'no time to stop for rest' or something like that, communicating the same point without the odd language. first line of second stanza is really awesome and inventive imagery, the rest of the poem is jam packed with superb images and ultimately a very well done work. Great job and best of luck in this contest!
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This poem seems to stand on its own, a bit away from the original ode and therefore takes me to whole different place away from Dali but indeed towards what could be interpreted as a religious poem, which glosas traditionally were. The mountains stipped bare of fog so that the pilgrim can see their way clear to the rose (as in rose window, the Virgin Mary?)... even as angels in grey, along the ballustrades, perhaps even sculptural angels on a cathedral, watch over. A wheel compelling someone forward along the path or in pursuit of the rose has ancient mystic and Christian overtones which I appreciate. It reminds me of the Fairport Convention song that I love so much, Now Be Thankful
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qVTQ_VkGsjk
It would make for a nicely crafted contemporary sonnet (which downplays rhyme and exact syllable count, though you do have a nice touch of rhyme here and there) if you were to just add one more line, turning the final line from Lorca's original stanza into a rhyming couplet, would it not?
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Ea--I like the idea of adding another line to turn the last two lines into a rhyming couplet. I will think about that today.
And I'm so glad you understood the religious undertones; I wasn't sure people would. That made me very happy. (g) Thank you for commenting, and I will see if another stanza of Lorca's poem appeals to me.
Chantal
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Smoothly written with nice rhymes I love how you have incorporating two lines of Lorca inyour last stanza the poem you have created is light and colourful like a soap bubble. An enjoyable read for sure.
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Beautiful!
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