Under clouds of grey
through the gloom and dismay
Lies a path to be tread
by the walking undead
Seeking uncreation
in the wake of damnation
Better mired in hell
then to wantonly dwell
Wanting to get back
where everything is black
And buried underground
where nothing makes a sound
Rotting and diseased
where the maggots are pleased
Feasting on the decay
as it's festering away
Tearing off skin
idle hands dig within
Exposing the gore
that will live no more
Seeking out the heart
to rend and pull it apart
Piece by piece
its beat shall cease
Fallen to the ground
never to rebound
Truely having found
the answer so profound
Graven be the haven
to the sleepless forsaken
And its slumber held therein
for the Nothing to begin
Author notes
Ever wondered if zombies ever wanted to die, and had thoughts of taking their own unlives?
Me either, until the idea popped in my head whilst talking with a friend who was watching Night of the Living Dead.
This makes the second foray of mine into unconventional zombie themes.
The othr being about being reborn in undead mode, but paralyzed and unable to do jack shit.
Comments
1 - 38 of 38
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Wow, amazing write I'm speechless it just sums up a lot of things I have myself felt. Especially this "Under clouds of grey
through the gloom and dismay
Lies a path to be tread
by the walking undead
Seeking uncreation
in the wake of damnation
Better mired in hell
then to wantonly dwell."
You have a true talent, keep writing and I will keep reading!!
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haha I just read your AN, but I see a lot of deeper meaning in this as well. Or I am just crazy which could quite possibly be the correct answer lol.
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Yeah, im a weirdo
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Your not a weirdo.
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That's a really awesome poem!
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excellent. good imagery. i nevr would've wondered that zombies might want to take their own lives.
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It's one thing to rot mentally, but when your fingers and lips start falling off....YEICK!
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lol.
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Wow. What an original subject for poetry. I have to say, I quite like this piece. I especially love these lines: "Better mired in hell/then to wantonly dwell." Very Romantic in sentiment and style. You have a very definite way with words. Thank you for all of your kind words on my works.
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Thanks, and you're welcomed.
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ever wondered if death is really nothing? what if maybe death is truly just the next big adventure? hmmm...i always thought that to be an interesting concept.
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I hope not.
I've had enough adventure and drama and the whatnot to last me for the rest of whatever eternity might be.
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Sometimes life tears you apart. This is a very dreary write. It is full of description. The imagrey is breath taking. We are all stuck in a dead zone.
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oh wow this is awsome. you sue so much imeragry in this is can really imagine the poem. YOu did a great job on this gory poems adn i think it is the best
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awesome
this is indeed one of the most gory poems ive ever read kinda sounds like a darren shan book! honestly it would be more suited as a poem about hades or something along that line and i dont think zombies have extensive feeling they have instincs but i dont think many feeling cause if you think about it the only thing they do is feast on flesh... but who knows! no one! and will we ever find out i dont think so!buaha but at least then we have an eternal mystery!
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Tis what makes me think it was a creative idea...and there is always something hidden within everything I write that relates somehow to my real world.
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oh?
and what may this one have been? -
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Read the current little conversatin/replies below between L1l1um and myself
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So I didnt really see this as a zombie peice until I read your comment. The funny part is I just kinda figured you were describing the majority of sad human beings, lost in their own private hells. I seriously need to watch more zombie movies now - I should have known better! Like your ryhming in this one especially. good work.
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Mayhaps the majority of sad human beings are not unlike lifeless automated walking carcasses(?)
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the similarities are actually quite funny.
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Yeah.
But the undead are lucky, they don't actually feel. -
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or do they?
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I never hear them go "OWW FUCK! That guy just shot my chest out!"
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okay, okay, I stand corrected!
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This is a very interesting concept. I'm not much into zombies but the title intrigued me. The poem was very well written and I like you imagery in the piece. The only thing I noticed was the inconsistency of the rhythm toward the end. In the first six stanzas you have a two line rhyme scheme (lines 1and2 rhyme, 3and4 rhyme, but 1and3 don't), and you did very well with it. In the seventh stanza however:
Fallen to the ground
never to rebound
Truely having found
the answer so profound
You have it so that the last words of all four lines rhyme, which upon first read through set me off a little. Also, found and profound don't go well together becasue they both have the same base word 'found' so it sounds the same. In stanza eight:
Graven be the haven
to the sleepless forsaken
And its slumber held therein
for the Nothing to begin
there is something that doesn't make this sound right, maybe its the use of the word graven, a rather unconventional word in that its not common and can slip a reader up, that and therein and begin doen't seem to rhyme well tegether when read aloud.
There are also a few spelling errors in this:
Stanza one: un-dead needs to be hyphenated, its not a compound word.
Stanza two: Uncreation isn't a word at all so you might what to hyphenate that one as well.
Stanza seven: Truely is truly
I hope that helps, its a good poem, very well written, and I really like the concept. This is in return for your comment on Air Brushed Smiles.
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Wow, I think this is the longest comment i've ever recieved in five years of being on this site.
Yeah, th seventh stanza is a bit different with the four line rhyme, nd although it might seem cheating a bit to do "found" and "profound", you can look at it this way, all four lines still make sense to form two complete sentences, not being just garbled lines of rhyme, something most people don't seem to do too well (at least not currently).
You must have an interesting accent to not have the words "therein" and "begin" to sound not too welled rhymed
And there's no such thing as an unconventional word, just archaic and often forgotten ones. If you looked at some of my other writes, they are full of such dust words from the english lexicon, andthen some.
You got me on "undead", i've never seen it hypenated before in my life, in movies, books, music or elsewhere, so we can blame that one on the rest of the world
An if you listened to metal, or got into some seriously noir "Good vs. Evil" stuff, you'd be quite familar with the word "uncreation". Any word that can be defined (and make sense,not just be ridiculously made up for spite) is generally excepted as a word eventually, true?
(also never seen it hyphenated)
And I think im eternally misspelling "truly", it just looks so weird without the "E" in it.
Wow, now this is on par with being about the longest reply i've ever made.
Anyhell, glad you enjoyed it.
Though im sure I won't do any editing (aside from "truly"), I appreciate the insight.
Thanks for the read, super long comment and applause.
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I'm not unually into zombies and all that but I love the poem.
It flows well and it has great imagery.
My favorite is:
"Tearing off skin
idle hands dig within
Exposing the gore
that will live no more"
But what I love the most is that it's not just another zombie poem.
Good job.
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Well, thre are all kinds of "undead" types.
One doesn't necessarily be a reanimated corpse roaming the land bent on carnage or under the thrall of a masters bidding.
But thanks for the read, comment and applause.
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Wow, you made a zombie poem awesome! Very creative.
Rotting and diseased
where the maggots are pleased
Feasting on the decay
as it's festering away
Extremely imaginative. I look forward to reading more of your work when I get the chance. -
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Thanks.
You like zombies ? -
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Zombie movies are bomb, however I couldn't say I "like" zombies. That's like asking, "Do you like being eaten alive?" I prefer my monsters a little more coherent. What drew you to the nature of zombies?
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Well, there is a condition called "vore" where people actually do fantasize about being eaten alive.
The inspiration behind this piece came while chatting with a friend who was talking about a movie they were watching at the time, and I wondered for some strange reason, if zombies/undead ever wished to die.
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what happens if a vegan person becomes a zombie?
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I guess, for them, that would be true hell on earth...unless they think people suck and would rather eat them for eating animals(?)
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aha yes
this is brilliant
I loved the whole story line
&&
Great Rhyme
Tearing off skin
idle hands dig within
Exposing the gore
that will live no more
Seeking out the heart
to rend and pull it apart
Piece by piece
its beat shall cease
*LOVE IT*
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Great piece of rhyme....Love the gory details You know, most everyone looks at a (horror) story or movie from the victims point of view, not the killer/zombie/monster....you know you have brought to light a great point, I mean what is the zombies story???? A REALLY Great Piece!!!!!!
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Thanks.
There's lots of unwxplored territory for creative writting from the view sorts of nontraditional points of view.
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