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Iron

 

Women wearing makeup tell me hotly not to lie,
Leather-footed Peta members alligator-cry,
Righteous, proper preachers caught with motel prostitutes
Still contest legalities of unions with no fruits.

See complicit media now as they turn foolish tricks
For the burning bush, a pimp whose brittle bones break sticks.

God told Mom to kill her kids, the state demands no death:
She is white, and thus in old age breathes her final breath.
Had she been a teenager, her music would stand trial:
She’s an adult, therefore leave her be, God’s killers smile.

Found no dynasties, security will die before your time.
Wills they bend to bitter end, despite the truth of rhyme.

Author notes

Trochaic heptameter, it was fun.  Enjoy!

Thanks!

- Giovanni
Written April 2nd, 2004

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Comments

1 - 17 of 17

  • ish174
    September 7, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    *takes notes... dont wear make up! dont date preacher!
    lol jk..
    this is nice Gio... but sadly it's true!


  • misstigress
    April 7, 2004
    Edit | Reply

    darkly colorful

    if this makes sense, i think your poem is darkly colorful. dark in the sense that it only concentrates on the bad issues of this world (which is totally necessary to get our heads on straight somtimes), and colorful because it's sarcastically funny. and you say that you're not a good poet and you suck. HA! poo poo to that!

  • Fated Agony
    April 7, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    I didn't understand a word of this but it sounded cool enough
    and the words ryhmed a whole bunch so I am assuming it was good becuase everyone gave ya good raves so I'll go with the majority and give ya an applause deal?
    -Rayven


  • Deviantpoetess
    April 7, 2004
    Edit | Reply

    excellent

    I love it..Sarcastic yet truely written in form..Giovanni this is awesome the recent news headlines while reading i think of the womans grin as her verdict is being read,and thinking also of another womans murder of her kids,she spends her life in prison while the jury was well aware of her mental condition..IS this justice,I must wonder..Thanks for sharing.
    Lori~

  • Flagrancy
    April 5, 2004
    Edit | Reply

    Outstanding

    Oh my god this was so good and true..the first line was the best. You put irony all over the poem..the flow was FANTASTIC..there are no flaws I can convey about this piece. Great write, I liked it a lot.


  • AutoPilate
    April 5, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    The "burning bush, a pimp whose brittle bones break sticks" refers to our dear President Bush. And what's another word for bundle of sticks?

    Thanks!

    - Giovanni

  • AutoPilate
    April 5, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Yeah, this isn't the first time I've referred to him as the burning bush... it's my whole Ten Commandments thing. Edited because of finger convulsions? Hmm, wouldn't have anything to do with a hooded pearl now would it? I'm flattered that my poetry brought you to that .

    Later!

    - Giovanni


  • maryannde gold member
    April 4, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Well as a woman who wears little make-up...I guess I lie less than others. LOL Definitely a smile in this, even with the truth of your vent.
    I am one of those who doesnt care who tells you to murder your kids or someone else for that matter. If someone is whispering in your ear that they are God..and they want you to murder, DONT FUCKING LISTEN! We have free will to say NOOOOOOOO!

    And if you do listen...then I will be happy to inject you to your death..or pull the switch. Whichever is your preference. And then once you get to heaven...(if there is a heaven) you can ask God if he said that!

    Great write...and to think you followed form with this give you Brownie points. Ok...boy scout points!

    Mary Ann

  • Seraph1885
    April 4, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    hmm... I like it but I need to find words to describe my thoughts. So for now. Here is my signature that I read it. I might edit this. LOL! if i remember. But Its a great satire. Some very... ahh... stereo typical point? but i like em.

    Keep it up
    Love
    Seraph


  • FloridaFemme
    April 4, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Super satire! The line about women wearing makeup tell me hotly not to lie is killer! It really hits its mark.

    The burning bush reference must be George Dubya. Clever. And the line about righteous, proper preachers caught with motel prostitutes reminds me of something Cisco Kid says about going through Louisiana: "Keep your panties up, darlins ~ we're going through Jimmy Swaggart country!" LMAO

    Wonderful social satire!

    Edited on Apr 04, 4:08 because 'finger convulsions '.


  • vampira1665 silver member
    April 2, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Fuck, the world is goin to hell in a hand bag!!! I would have to say this world is so screwed up that it's sad. Sometimes I wish I hadn't brought kids into this hell hole. But I raise them the best I can and hope the don't get shot walkin down the street or in class. This was funny and serious all at the same time. Great job.

    Hugs and bites, Lady Raven


  • Shadowygirl
    April 2, 2004
    Edit | Reply

    LOL Awsome

    LOL this is great My girl just sent it to me telling me I had to read it lmao its freaking funny and oh so true society sucks lol but great work awsome poem

    April


  • Almighty Aphrodite gold member
    April 2, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    You rant and rave about society more than I do! Geez, is the media and all its inanities getting to you too? (not that it hasn't been grating on everyone's nerves lately)

    I remember a lot of the events your poem pulled into it... the case with Jimmy Swaggart (supposed to be a preacher and sleeping with prostitutes) and also of Andrea Yates, drowning her kids in the bathtub because, supposedly, God told her to do it. (how does she know it wasn't Satan?) And don't even get me started on Bennifer and Britney Spears...ugh. The media, all the sensationalized journalism and tragic happenings to ordinary people, is making me quickly lose respect for the news altogether. I swear...

    This is a very thought-provoking piece, and I love the meter you used as well.

    Many blessings,

    Raven Aurora

  • RoughRider
    April 2, 2004
    Edit | Reply

    Excellent

    This was great, the flow nice style love! Powerful and scary the thought of mom killing her kids, but hey we do love in a messed up world. Thanks for sharing and keep them great writes coming!


  • Arron008
    April 2, 2004
    Edit | Reply

    Wonderfull Read I loved it

    I like the visual usage of hypocrisy,
    "Women wearing makeup tell me hotly not to lie," this made me laugh cause well its true we do. I never looked at like that before.
    As a HRC member I loved this line
    "Righteous, proper preachers caught with motel prostitutes
    Still contest legalities of unions with no fruits." I find that to be completely ironic and very sad.
    This line confused me a lil I was unsure of your meaning
    "See complicit media now as they turn foolish tricks
    For the burning bush, a pimp whose brittle bones break stick
    The Andrea Yates case reference was an interesting touch as well.
    I had a very good time reading this poem. I think You have done a very good job with it. I do hope you will continue to write I will defiantly continue to read wonderfull job.
    Arron
    Edited on Apr 02, 11:23 because 'typos'.


  • April 2, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    i really like the rhythm in this poem. i really enjoyed it hey. well done and keep up with this. i want to see more

  • BlackLight
    April 2, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    i love it i dont complay get it but i love it lol but hey im like thate i hope to se moar like it so ya keep up the good wark man well see ys wen i see ya by 4 naw

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