Winter throw your weeping cold
Upon my uncloaked shoulders old.
Wrap clawed finger dipped in death
Around my slender fragile neck.
Steal breath from lips too numb to kiss,
Turn heart at least as cold as this.
Only in your icy chill may heated passion
Then be still.
Let tears that form upon my cheek,
Be crystal drops that when I blink-
Shatter like a fallen glass,
Mid shrieks of pain, let death be fast.
And in this freezing of my soul,
Bequeath to me this deathly cold.
To die asleep upon thin ice.
In penitence I pay this price.
For guilt resides within my name.
I am the lies told without shame.
Descend on me Oh Karmic kiss-
Allow me not one moment bliss.
And in my passing, life restore.
That after dearh there's something more.
Upon my grave shed not one tear,
Is by my choice that I die here.
Author notes
Based on this prompt... "the more pain the sooner I will be reborn?"-Francesca lia block
in this contest...http://allpoetry.com/poem/add?contest=2458792
A contest entry
- Snowglobes by Haley-baby1.
1200 points, ended September 22, 4 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
honest critiques opinions PLEASE
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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The words are dipped in golden sunshine of emotions incandescent like the sheen o platinumand the twinkle in winking diamonds .The poem is very beautiful and the welldeserved trophy is a proof of how sweet it actually is.Thanks for sharing, love take care and always share...
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Wow
A personal letter of redemption. And I wonder , who sahall be amongst those so remember. But I say we must be kinder and more gentle to ourselves. Very deep poet.
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nice
i really enjoyed this stanza..And in my passing, life restore.
That after dearh there's something more.
Upon my grave shed not one tear,
Is by my choice that I die here.
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I actually thought the poem was a bit cliche until the last stanza, which was so fantastic it redeemed the entire thing to me.
Upon my grave shed not one tear,
Is by my choice that I die here.
That line is beautiful. It also reminds me of Socrates "The hour of departure has arrived, and we go our ways--I to die and you to live. Which is the better, only God knows." though I know that wasn't the intention.
To see death as a truly beautiful thing can be powerful, and I for one respect that. -
You've come into your own with meter and rhyming. I'm afraid I will be taking this excellance for granted when I read you.
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Thank you very much for entering and following the rules. I really enjoyed this. I generally hate rhyme but you really pulled it off. good job.
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Thank you for bronze AND such a cool prompt. Great contest!
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This is really interesting, in a good way. (Not interesting as in bad
) The rhyme was nicely done, I really liked what you did in lines 7-8, that really stood out. Some rhyming poets will sometimes change what they want to say to fit their rhyme, but it doesn't seem like you do, and that's really cool of you. The fourth stanza is especially great. You got the rhyme and rhythm absolutely perfect, and the content was extra cool there as well. Nice job!
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Wow!
Very Poe like...
that went along in grand poetic fashion...
The third verse is a killer...
its like that moment in time..
that very second ...
when a tear falls...
There is stardust here little gypsy,
Liam
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Your far too kind!
smiles..but Thank You! My pen gets a mind of it's own at dark-thirty in the morning!
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