What would you feel if you saw that life.
you so loved decay before your eyes.
Only to see that dome of their skull.
be your only trophy to remember them by.
Would you pause for a moment, in that scornful sorrow.
Would you mass respectable, and play a requiem for them.
Would you deserve all that piteous, your served in their death.
Could that moist of their today, warm you’re tomorrow.
Would that love you was in joy, remain in deaths cemetery.
Could you harmonize any tune in your grief.
Would those words you spoken be that key.
To unlock the pains, in the vault of ones past.
Could you honour them by one last feast.
Could you utter their names, while gripped in insanity.
Would their life’s work, be you’re silhouette into another world.
Would you walk at noon and pray until dusk.
In search of that injustice, that escaped you in you’re hour.
Would you let those heinous crimes, destroy you.
Would those supernatural powers be prophetic enough.
In the twilight of passing years fallen.
Would that reek of their remains, haunt you to your last breath.
Would that those last flowers you gave them, chartreuse green in you.
Would you’re heart be no more soft, but only metallic in nature.
Would that venom of such a loss, cure you or poison your whole being.
Could you consume that burden and be envious no more.
To never be haunted as you once where, like on that day.
So that door will be forever fixed and not unhinged.
Or would you wish death with such blinded and hateful malevolence.
Would that hunger grow insatiable.
And turn you’re light in this world, to pure unreasonable madness.
Would that spell be broken.
Could it heal you of watching those loves ones, decompose before your very eyes.
Author notes
D e a t h s P r a y e r
r e d m o o n n r i z i n g
OPTION # 2 Please use all words in your poem.
decay
scullcap
sorrow
requiem
piteous
moist
cemetery
harmonize
key
vault
feast
insanity
silhouette
dusk
injustice
heinous
prophetic
twilight
reek
chartreuse
metallic
virulent
salivate
haunted
unhinged
malevolence
insatiable
madness
spell
decompose
A contest entry
- 3 HUGE WORD BANKS - DARK WRITES by redmoonnrizing.
1300 points, ended September 10, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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I really appreciate the effort you have put into this piece. This has great potential. Although you have cleaned it up a bit, it still needs work. I encourage you in your efforts to write. Keep it up and I am sure one day, you will be GREAT
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It's unimaginable, even when it happens to someone else.
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I like the idea you are playing with here... but I got to go along with Red... it's just too redundant... the same exact wording over and over just drives a wedge between you and the reader. It might work if the poem was shorter. But the length really makes the never ending rhythm just stand out.
But I really do like what you're trying to do.
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You need to put my AP name in your AN like this.
r e d m o o n r i z i n g, per the RULES
I would like to give you some gentle advice This "could" be a great poem, but it seems to be a lot sentences strung together. This makes the flow of the poem seem choppy. There are no line breaks or punctuation. It may look better broken down into stanzas.
Some sentences don't make sense like this one:
Maybe this line, "Would those last flowers you gave them chartreuse you" could say
"Would, that the last flowers you gave them, of chartreuse green"
"Chartreuse" is a vibrant color of green.
Same here: "Would you’re heart be no more soft, but metallic in nature"
Would that your heart beat softly, and not metallic in nature.
Thanks
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