Letters to Lovely: Larry Carver

My Lovely,

I felt the strangest of sensations today. It came about when I was at lunch.
As I recall, it was half a reuben, and an apple,


and a cold thermos of tea.


(same as yesterday, Love)

The sandwich was gone within the first minute,
(I was famished, Love)
and the apple had vanished soon after.
(so hungry)

Ashamed, I was, at this ravenous me.
(I looked like a fool, Love)
People were staring.
(like a silly)

The tea was there to the right,
(sitting on the right, Love)
and I took it up in my hand.
(same as yesterday)

The lid was already unscrewed.
(had I done it, Love)
I must had opened it before.
(I don't recall)

I raised the glass.
(to you, Love)
The tea rushed down my throat.
(same as yesterday)

I tasted sweet,
(it was delicous, Love)
but the drink soon turned sour.
(so yummy)

I felt my thoat lock up,
(no, Love)
cutting off my air.
(I want more tea)

The liquid filled up my throat.
(please, Love)
Out my nose, and mouth.
(it's so good)

My lungs pulsated
(tea everywhere, Love)
searching for air.
(panicking)

I pounded my stomach,
(I feel sad, Love)
but only vomit came.
(no more tea)

I fell to the floor,
(is this it, Love)
hands went up to my throat.
(my clothes are wet)

I dug my fingers into the flesh.
(air, Love)
I ripped away the walls.
(I can't breath)

My airway was open.
(is this alright, Love)
So was my jugular.
(can I live)

I looked at my hands.
(look, Love)
They were soaked with blood.
(soaked with tea)

I rested my head on the ground.
(feel tired, Love)
Bloodstained hands on my chest.
(gore is a good pillow)

I closed my eyes,
(the people, Love)
and let sleep overcome.
(the people are scared)

And here, Love, is where I felt it. That wondrous feeling. All at once, the pain was gone, the blood was gone, the people were gone. I was alone. Alone with Lovely. My Lovely.

I have never felt so alive.

~Larry Carver