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Shattered Doll

Tick
    Tock
          Tick

Grey paint cascades
    from the cemented walls

Click
      Clock
            Tick

Red consumes her eyes
      she watches him fall 





  Sedated never more
as Old Nick's little whore









.

what do you think.

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments


  • bigperm gold member
    August 30

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    I like that this can be viewed many ways.

    Old nick is often a name for the devil, or of evil ways in general. The clock sounds can express change of time running out. Grey paint and cement walls can show muted color and desolation, however red eyes may show anger ...even determination. Given the title and my interpretation of the piece, I can view a girl gaining freedom from an otherwise overbearing suitor...an end to a bad relationship.

  • peyote
    August 28

    Edit | Reply

    As always,I can feel where

    you are coming from---The last line pulls the beautiful falling lines to one dark/good line:"sedated never more as Old Nick's little whore".I love this quickie!