Enveloped by a misty darkened sky
with murky thought and dampened passions cold,
these stiffened limbs and sights no longer high,
surrendered to the lies that make me old.
Then creeping came on skirt of droop-lid eye,
a vision clear of beauty to behold.
With flowing mane and vowed adventure true
piratic dreams engulfed me through and through.
Devoid of dread I took the leathered hand
that welcomed me aboard the black ship “Swan”.
Emblazoned with the skull and bones of man,
set sail for emerald isles and X’s drawn.
Freebooting wenches, wealth and contraband,
we ruled the seas with fire till the dawn.
In fantasy or tangible in chord,
I choose the double edge of pirate sword.
Author notes
N I C K E L S P R I N G
Image is by Peter Lee, I found it on photobucket
Prompt: Islands of Adventure
Double Ottava Rima with iambic pentameter.
((Im counting on fire being 2 syllable here... its just feels better that way... 
If Im wrong then-- my bad 
))
A contest entry
- X Factor 3: Round One (Top 16) by sideways hourglass.
625 points, ended September 3, 14 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments welcomed
Comments
1 - 24 of 24
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Enjoyed your write. "creeping came on skirt of drooping eye" caught the skirt of mine.
Congrats on your gold trophy.
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Wonderful flow and imagery and a pleasure to read...207
Originality: 15/15
Creativity/Poetic device: 15/15
Line breaks/structure: 15/15
Cohesion/focus: 15/15
Balance of abstraction/imagery: 15/15
Emotion/Personality/Edge: 14/15
Overall opinion: 15/15
impact/reaction: 14/15
Mechanics: 15/15
Rules followed regarding challenge: 15/15
Creativity in regards to given prompt/challenge: 10/10
Fluency: 10/10
Diction/verbiage: 10/10
Syntax: 10/10
Title: 9/10
X Factor Bonus: 10/10
Total: 207
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Thank you so much!!
Kris
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Black Swan
Originality: 15/15
Creativity/Poetic device: 15/15
Line breaks/structure: 15/15
Cohesion/focus: 15/15
Balance of abstraction/imagery: 15/15
Emotion/Personality/Edge: 15/15
Overall opinion: 15/15
impact/reaction: 15/15
Mechanics: 15/15
Rules followed regarding challenge: 15/15
Creativity in regards to given prompt/challenge: 10/10
Fluency: 10/10
Diction/verbiage: 10/10
Syntax: 10/10
Title: 8/10
X Factor Bonus: 10/10
Total: 208- X Factor
this is simply stellar!
laura.
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Thank you so much! That means alot to me
Kris
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Black Swan
Originality: 14/15
Creativity/Poetic device: 15/15
Line breaks/structure: 15/15
Cohesion/focus: 15/15
Balance of abstraction/imagery: 15/15
Emotion/Personality/Edge: 14/15
Overall opinion: 15/15
impact/reaction: 15/15
Mechanics: 15/15
Rules followed regarding challenge: 15/15
Creativity in regards to given prompt/challenge: 10/10
Fluency: 10/10
Diction/verbiage: 9/10
Syntax: 10/10
Title: 9/10
X Factor Bonus: 10/10
Total: 207- X Factor -
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Thank you!
Kris
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205 - X Factor
Wow, this was excellent! I love the way you have wrote this. It is written with such precision that it can be interpreted literally as well as metaphorically. Either way sounds beautiful, but, of course, in a competition like this, it is the deepest of meanings that give this such creative merit. And your meter was spot on - that is why it flowed so fluently and consistently. I love everything about this and I haven't got anything to criticize. What is even more impressive is that while you did stay inside the box...you dug deeper into the box's abyss and showed us the beauty you found from the inspiration.
Originality: 14/15
Creativity/Poetic device: 14/15
Line breaks/structure: 15/15
Cohesion/focus: 15/15
Balance of abstraction/imagery: 15/15
Emotion/Personality/Edge: 14/15
Overall opinion: 15/15
impact/reaction: 15/15
Mechanics [this includes form stipulations. punctuation too]: 15/15
Rules followed regarding challenge: 15/15
Creativity in regards to given prompt/challenge: 10/10
Fluency: 10/10
Diction/verbiage: 10/10
Syntax: 10/10
Title: 8/10
"X Factor" Extra Credit: 10/10
Total: 205 - X Factor
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Thank you so much for the wonderful comment
K
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Ah yes the Cutlass rules supreme, those young and fierce lads had no fear nor sympathy for a life of the whicked they rightfully chose.
I like it, I like it so!
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Pirate adventures.... so romantic in story and legend. I watched something on modern day piracy that scared the heck out of me--> not so romantic- just murdering thieves with no conscience. I prefer the high adventure stories....lol.
Thank you my friend, for commenting Glad you liked.
K
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well when you really think of it, these guys didn't have much better prospects serving in the navy, long years away from home and harsh discipline was the rule of the day.
Might as well be a free man and die like one then to be a slave of her majesty under proverbial lock and key. -
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Good and well taken point!
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What a beautiful poem
Great job with this.
You have an amazing job with words -
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Thank you for that positive comment- I surely appreciate it!!
K
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Ahoy matey, grab your sword and we can practice sparring . I like the poem though I think you have a good chance in the contest And now I want to watch Pirates of the Caribbean.
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Lol, you never know.
K
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Oh I know everything
I am omnipresent lol.
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Omnipresent? lol. Dang, I knew there was someone creepy watching me....
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lol. Yep, every stalker is envious of me, they only dream of what I can do. lol.
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Wow this has to be one of most favourite poems ever... It is just pure beauty.. Love the pic.. so atmospheric...Yes we are like the pirate..living on a sword edge...
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The sword's edge my dear...
Pure inspiration.... from where? lol
Thank you for your comments, always
Kris
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This. is. just. wow.
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Thanks
K
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