Have you ever
viewed the spoken word
as a siphon for
the stricken
who must drain
their every fear
‘fore the substance
dares to thicken?
Have you ever
inhaled a question
and dissolved it
with your tongue
before searching for
another lie
to exhale from
your lung?
Have you ever
felt the rain
burn fierce against
your skin
and craved the
honesty of mud
cleansing you
with sin?
Oh, have you ever
seen the sunset
as streaks of blood across
the sky
the smears of light
a warning of
the darkness from
good-bye?
What do you think of the way I divided my lines? This is the first poem I have really written this way, and I am looking for feedback on the flow.
Comments
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if i read it aloud to myself without pausing for the line divisions it sounded great. i tried it again with the divisions and it was a bit choppy, but it was also more interesting. kind of syncopated.
really i enjoy it either way, and the concepts you're playing with are interesting and well-described.
very poetic and enjoyable!
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as a siphon for
the stricken
Pretty lines along with
inhaled a question
and dissolved it
with your tongue
I enjoy the way you set this up. -
I have yet to read your other work, but this new form is very lovely. Umm.. Maybe some Punctuation to show where the stops should be. But other than that, I find this poem very moving. Wonderful job.
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Love it!!!!!!!!!!
Great job
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