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  Sing,I sing
  to the rain
    falling


        singing to
        the soldiers
          coming home

          wishing the stars
                would fall
          guiding them all

                  back to us

                  Home

      watching the fish
      flying above the shore


  I wish the
    Lion would
      lay with the lamb.

can you relate?

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 12 of 12

  • tomisb
    October 15

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    Hopes come out in songs and I can hear deep dreams peeping in starlight with sterling desires pitching them to burn brighter and speak across the distance. The softness of this cascade of words burns as it touches the skin with passion born of an ache that more should know. Well done.
    Peace & Light,
    Tom B.


  • Lowell Poe
    September 1

    Edit | Reply
    It is the true poet that wishes warmth and peace for all.
    this is so beautiful lass...
    one day the lion will lay with the lamb at the hearth...
    when soldiers are just men again.
    Beautiful little gypsy.

    Bless your heart,
    Liam


  • Goddess of illusion
    August 31
    Edit | Reply
    Sorry forgot the bunnies..

  • Goddess of illusion
    August 31

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    I enjoyed reading this... Very interesting write indeed. The emotion was strong...

    Keep your pen flowing with ink that never fade...

    illusion


  • Oh.My.Juliet
    August 30

    Edit | Reply
    aww, this is cute! I love the tone and style of this, short but well written!
    Thanks for sharing!


    x

    Keep writing!


  • Sonja
    August 27
    Edit | Reply
    It is nice to see you back, and when you come, you come in a great style. The ending of this poem is simply amazing.
    ~Sonja~


  • Melee Vau gold member
    August 27

    Edit | Reply

    peace and fish

    enjoyed this poem about war and peace. unlike the other commentors below, I liked the iage of fish flying above the shore. such a vivid image


  • cordova
    August 27

    Edit | Reply

    Home is

    It is were the lion can lay with the lamb
    Not sure bout the fish part? maybe i just dont like the word fish?
    rest of the poem was good i love it when it is whatever you want it to be


  • Dogtags
    August 27

    Edit | Reply
    This is a really good poem, simple but easily puts vivid images into the reader's mind. The only thing that threw me off is the second stanza about fish; not too sure how it ties in. I do like this poem and think it has potential to be great with just a little revision. Also, the word "soldiers" is misspelled. I'm looking forward to seeing how this poem develops.


  • Xxcant runxX
    August 27
    Edit | Reply
    Wow loved it

  • LadyDarkness
    August 26
    Edit | Reply

    Twilight-ey

    Hmmmmmmmmmm.
    That last line sounds like it's inspired by twilight.


  • poetryality silver member
    August 26

    Edit | Reply
    Your last line made me wish right with you. That day will come, it is written. We have yet to see a time of total peace and brother/sisterhood but it is on the horizon. I hope it happens in our life time. The visual imagery of the first few stanzas was wonderful!


    Much Love ♥

    Renee

1 - 12 of 12